I’ve got kids, so I’ve accepted that for the next 18ish years, I won’t get to own amazingly fine things and I won’t get to keep my white couch white. I’ve also accepted that I’ll have to let some things in my home that are against my nature because I want my kids to have a wide range of experiences to learn from. But I need to draw a line somewhere. So here are 10 things that are absolutely not allowed in my home:
Bugs: I’m not just talking about the rogue ones my son brings in from the backyard. I even mean the ones that are already dead and pinned to little boards or books or however bug collectors store those things. Kids, can look at the creepy crawlers in picture books and on science websites. I will not be having those inside my house!
Brussels sprouts: I hate them, so why would I force my kids to eat them? I’ve given both children the chance to try them and now that they have (and couldn’t care less), these sprouts are no longer allowed in my home. I’ll force other veggies down my kids’ throats, instead; there’s plenty to choose from that don’t taste like little fart balls.
Toys that intentionally make noise: Why? Why would you do this to parents, toy makers? The little truck doesn’t HAVE to make noises because my kid is perfectly capable of creating those loud beeps and “vrooms” from his own mouth.
Glitter: Have you ever gotten one of those specks in your eye? It’s torture, I tell you! When I was a kid, someone told me that glitter in my eye will cut it up and make me go blind and I’m still traumatized, so that devil dust is banned in our house.
Rugs: Yup, rugs aren’t allowed in my home, even if we only have hard floors and our feet are desperate for a little soft comfort. At least until my kids are capable of controlling their feet and can stop tripping over the edges of said rugs a million times a day.
Little toy dinosaurs: What hurts more than stepping on an abandoned Lego? A Stegosaurus, that’s what.
Play-Doh (and Slime): I know, I’m a terrible mom because this is a staple of childhood. But that crap has gotten smooshed into one too many couch cushions, carpet fibers, hair, and floorboard cracks so I’ve had enough!
Participation trophies: I’ll give you one week (tops) to marvel at your plastic participation trophy and then it’s going in the trash. My kids are learning that sometimes you don’t get rewarded for your hard work and sometimes you don’t win everything. And that this is okay because it is a part of life! We don’t need another piece of junk moved around our home and quickly forgotten about.
Cats. Or any pet that is allowed (even trained) to poop inside the home: Animals are stinky enough without you willingly letting them crap inside your home. I don’t care how cute that kitty is, Baby Girl; it’s not coming home to make our house its b****.
What do you make sure to keep far from your household? Leave us a comment!