10 Things To Do With Your Kid-Free Time Now That School Is Back In Session

  1. Intend to be productive with your time but fall asleep on the couch for three hours.
  2. Discover the cure for whining and sibling fighting. Hint: it’s not chloroform.
  3. Bake homemade goodies to distribute to all the teachers who have taken on the task of educating (and let’s be honest, also babysitting) our kids again. Throw away your burnt attempts and pick up a cookie platter from Costco to leave in their break room, instead.
  4. Go shopping for yourself at Target, only to put all the pants back because, apparently, you’re not the size you thought you were. Grab a Starbucks to cry into on the way home.
  5. Finally tackle that junk drawer you can barely open. Realize how much crap you’ve held onto, throw a few pieces away, then get distracted and close the drawer once more.
  6. Pick up a part time day job. (It’s that easy to do, right…?) Maybe you don’t even need it for finances but man, it’s good to have adult interaction again!
  7. Rediscover your hobbies and strengthen your talents. It’s about time you got some other than “peeing alone” and “counting to three.”
  8. Catch up on your favorite TV shows, then realize you’ve been sneaking moments of watching during ironing, toilet breaks, and your late night binge hours, so you are already “caught up.” Spend an hour trying to find a new show to watch, only to be convinced you’ve already watched everything of worth in the entire world and give up.
  9. Day-drink with those friends you’re always saying you should hang out and catch up with “sometime.” (Calm down, Susan, I meant coffee. Drink coffee.)
  10. Read old articles on BabyGizmo.com and get sucked in to the Facebook comment drama on their edgier posts.
michael-jackson-meme time