7 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts

February 7, 2012

Ah, Valentine’s Day. It’s the day of love, of expectations, of promises, of romance, of… (you get the point). If you are celebrating this special day with a loved one and are looking for gift ideas, be sure to steer clear of these 7 gifts:

1. The No! No! Shaver

This nifty shaver, made by Sephora, is designed to get rid of “unruly” pubic hair through, get this, “a thermodynamic wire” that burns the hair away. If you want to send a message to your potential lover that they’re hairy and need a “shape up,” try a conversation instead.

2. The Exotic Toad Skin Purse

If you want to prove to your lady that you are well-traveled and fashion conscious, please do not do it with this purse. I mean, sure it’s exotic, exotic enough that she could try to forget about the fact that it’s a dead toad (with or without legs) that she’s carrying around…and. Yeah. It’s still a dead toad. And, that’s gross.

3. Say It with Undies: Smart Ass Thongs

Personalized gifts for Valentine’s Day are usually fun and endearing. These gifts show that you thought enough to take a standard product and add your personal flair to it. But a thong? A personalized thong, containing messages like “Gold Digger” or “High Maintenance”? Ummmm. Not so much.

4. Forever Lazy

Comfort is good. Being lazy is something that happens. An adult sized onesie called “Forever Lazy” is bad news. Bad news.

5. Pajama Jeans

The pajama jeans, jeans with the lining of comfortable fleece on the inside, would seem like a good invention for women looking to maintain a sense of style while still feeling like they’re wearing pajamas. But, they’re not. They’re what I call, a gateway drug, leading wearers to abuse bad fashion in the name of comfort.

6. The TV Hat

The TV Hat gives users a personal viewing experience of TV played on their iPhone, Droid, or Zune. Yes, in theory this is a good product. But, unless you want to creep out young children, cats, dogs, monkeys, birds, and all other sensible beings, then don’t do it!

7. The Kitty Carpet

The Kitty Carpet is a reusable “downstairs” toupee designed for “the prodigal hippie, the French-footed prostitute in another life, and the woman who wants to bring spice into the bedroom…” Need I say more?