Dear Beyoncé,

Dear Beyoncé,

First of all, congratulations on your new baby girl! Everyone here at Baby Gizmo wishes you and your family much happiness.

Although, it’s kind of hard not to be happy when you have seven nannies, baby nurses, personal assistants, life coaches, make-up artists, nutritionists, personal trainers and don’t even get me started on your home gym, which is probably the size of my entire house.

You’re set, mama! No one has to see your loose baby belly skin or the bags under your eyes because you can hide out in your home gym while eating your fresh salmon and veggies then get some new (and probably not yet approved) under-eye make-up applied to the dark circles… if you have dark circles that is. You are Beyoncé after all.

But now we know why you kept that daddy from seeing his NICU twins and why your security detail covered hospital cameras and made a scene. You were just protecting your image. Rock on, girlfriend. I didn’t want anyone to see my post-baby belly, engorged and leaking boobs or dark circles, either. I guess if you have the means (and the money), use it! Right? What’s a couple million when you can just make that money back when you sell the first pictures of your happy little family to the cover of a “trash mag”? That is some smart thinking right there. Can I have the number to your financial planner?

Anyway, we truly do wish you the best with Blue Ivy (or is it Ivy Blue? We’ve heard the media has already tried to mess up that small detail). And we’ll see you in a month or two – all svelte and well-rested (or Photoshopped!) – on the cover of People or US Weekly or…

Best,

The Baby Gizmo Team