Dear Husband (a “say what you are thinking” comedic letter)

Dear Husband,

Why do you think you deserve a medal for watching the kids for a few hours? Why do you say, “I watched the kids”? They are your kids, right? It’s called parenting, my love. Do I need to hire you by the hour so I can take a shower? Fold the laundry or (gasp) meet a few friends for an early dinner once a month?

When I suggest we switch jobs, I’m half joking. Except I don’t think you could manage all that I do on a daily basis. You also told me you couldn’t!! (so you get some kudos for realizing how much I do). I could totally handle an out of the house job but we decided together, as a team, as parents that I would stay home. It not only makes financial sense but it’s something we have always wanted. Yes, I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom but like every job, being a mom has its good days and bad days. I’m allowed to have bad days too, ya know. While you are dealing with employees, schedules and customers… I’m dealing with tantrums, picky eaters, poop, puke, struggles to get wiggle worms in their car seat and the inability to hold an adult conversation. My days are not filled with flowers, aprons, a perfectly clean (smelling and looking) house, dinner on the table at 6pm and freshly baked cookies. That’s possible without the “mom” label but add a few kids in the mix? You’re lucky that I don’t have poop stains on my shirts. You’re even luckier on the days when I put on a little make-up.

And what’s up with the naps? You spend a morning watching “hanging out with the kids” and you need a nap? Where’s my nap? I spend every waking moment with the kids and I’m lucky if I get to sleep through the night. Oh, that’s right, you sleep through the coughs and the cries coming from the baby monitor so you don’t know just how sleep deprived I really am. And please stop getting mad at me for waking you when you snore like a baboon. See above. I just want a little sleep, okay?

I do have to give you some credit; with each child you have improved in the bodily fluid category. No longer does snot, puke and poop send you screaming towards the hills. I will give you that one. But come on, when you get sick? Man up. You’re not dying. Your head is not going to fall off or be eaten by wild hyenas. I’m the biggest wuss I know and at times, when you are sick, I question my Biggest Wuss Ever title.

PMS is real. It’s not a made up illness or a feeling that us women get. Our insides ache, our hormones rage and after spending all day with 3-foot-tall people who speak gibberish, we’re bound to unleash some of our wrath on you. I’m not saying it’s fair, I’m not saying I like it or do it on purpose; I’m just looking for a little understanding once in a while. I’m already jealous that you can shower, get dressed and still look presentable in a matter of 5 minutes. Cut me a little slack, okay?

Oh and one last thing, your days of watching a basketball or football game in “peace and quiet” ended 5 years ago.

 

Love you. Mean it!

Love,

Your Wife

 

 

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Christina lives in San Diego with her husband, 3 boys and her favorite coffee cup. Christina is a trained Montessori teacher with early childhood education and also has experience in the children’s fashion world as a business owner. While in the children's industry, Christina realized how important it was to research, be ‘in the know’ and one step ahead of the game with the latest and greatest baby gear, toys, clothing and accessories which naturally continued once she became a mom in 2002. Since the birth of her first son, Christina has become a reliable and trustworthy resource to friends, family and other parents on various parenting topics.

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10 Comments on "Dear Husband (a “say what you are thinking” comedic letter)"

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Christy
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My 2cents

Letter #1 made me giggle and feel better about myself as a mum, but would probably make my husband upset. This feels like self expression to me. (letter for me)

Letter # 2 is something my husband would like to hear – and probably more how I should treat him. This feels like encouraging him to me. (letter for him)

Alison
Guest
I apologize if I have offended anyone on my post. That was not the intent. I apologize to the author if I have taken the intent of the letter out of context (April Fool’s…wasn’t thinking in those terms). I think my letter was taken to the other extreme. I did not mean it in a snarky way. I am just especially sensitive to being overly critical of husbands and think that our ‘humor’ can actually be very demoralizing. The original post did not come across as good natured to me. However, I was in no way judging anyone, was merely… Read more »
Skye
Guest
LOVE the letter! I’m sorry but I found the “other” letter to be a bit on the rude, judgemental and sef satisfied side. Just because our husbands recieve a bit of good natured teasing does not in ANY way mean we don’t appreciate everything they do for us. My husband’s a firefighter. I don’t see or hear from him for anywhere from 24 to 48 hours, two or more times a week, depending on what he’s got going on. On his days off, he volunteers, so is prone to having to rush off at the sound of an alarm in… Read more »
jessie
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Woah. This letter was taken waaay out of context. Anyone who knows Christina and her Husband knows that this was more of an attempt at humor than a letter to “be-little” her Husband. They are an amazing team and she is VERY appreciative of him. If you have read some of the authors other pieces you would know she takes a comedic approach in her writing. Furthermore, I would be more concerned with the fact that you were so quick to judge the author than to find the humor in it. I saw absolutely nothing malicious about this letter unless… Read more »
Beth
Guest

The letter is extra-quippy and tongue-in-cheek (although often true) because today is APRIL FOOLS DAY, people.

Relax. And smile a little. The goal was to make you smile!

Petra LaMotte
Guest

love it!

Leslie
Guest

Alison,

Thank you for YOUR letter. As I read the article’s letter, I just kept hoping that there would be some sort of attempt to make it a joke (albeit in poor taste). I find it appalling to berate a husband in such a manner. Yes, being a mother is difficult, and no men/fathers don’t always understand our frustrations… but this is ridiculous.

Thanks again Alison. And I personally apologize to the author’s husband. I’m sorry that your wife feels that way.

Alison
Guest
While I appreciate the sentiments and feel them wholeheartedly sometimes, I give my husband tremendous credit for the work he does. I couldn’t handle his 80-hour weeks. He works out of town for a few weeks at a time so I am home alone with our four children 24/7 (and I homeschool). Yes, he hears me vent from time to time, but it is what it is. This is what I signed up for and I am very aware that it is going by way too quickly. We work together to make ends meet. I know this is tongue-in-cheek, but… Read more »
laurel
Guest

AAAAAAAAAAAAMEN

Charissa
Guest

🙂 Love it! The bodily fluid thing is just too true… I’m impressed that your husband can take that quick of a shower, mine takes an hour to get ready with no kids and I have maybe 15 minutes to shower and have to remind him that I too need time to get ready to go out!

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