How To Get Your Child Ready For School (In 50 Simple Steps)


getting ready for school

  1. Put out their clothes the night before. You are awesome!
  2. Set your alarm extra early. You’d hate for your kid to be late for school.
  3. Get to sleep at a reasonable time. You’re going to need a good night sleep to whip up a wholesome breakfast tomorrow morning.
  4. Roll over to turn off your blaring alarm that you’ve slept through.
  5. Go wake up your toddl- just kidding. They’re already awake.
  6. Even though they can sort of dress themselves, you still need to get his arm holes in the right spots.
  7. Chase him around the house trying to put his underwear on.
  8. Give a boo-boo kiss when he runs into the bedroom door knob, face first.
  9. Find Daddy to also give a boo-boo kiss. That one’s going to leave a mark.
  10. Calm him down by distraction, wiggle those kicking legs into the underwear.
  11. Help him pull down his underwear as he needs to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.
  12. Wash his hands, give him his toothbrush, put toothpaste on…
  13. Toddler gags on the natural strawberry toothpaste. Find the neon blue Ninja Turtle toothpaste.
  14. Wipe off his face that is now stained neon blue.
  15. Check your watch. Wait… how have 20 minutes gone by already?
  16. Find some clean-ish clothes on the floor. Put them on.
  17. Brush teeth, brush hair. Messy bun, sweep of mascara. Good to go.
  18. Head to the kitchen. Pour toddler a big glass of milk. Turn on Paw Patrol.
  19. Check the oven clock. Shit. What time does he need to be at school again??
  20. Nix the waffles from scratch. Who has that kind of time anyway?
  21. Rummage through the cabinets. Find a box of cereal that isn’t stale.
  22. Pour bowl of cereal for toddler. Set it up at kitchen table.
  23. Beg toddler to come sit at the kitchen table.
  24. Ignore tantrum. Turn off Paw Patrol.
  25. Ignore tantrum.
  26. Turn on coffee maker. Get that liquid gold going as soon as possible.
  27. Concede with toddler. Turn on Paw Patrol.
  28. Allow him to eat his cereal on the kitchen floor… where he can still see the TV.
  29. Check toddler’s backpack. Empty folder.
  30. Oh, crap. The Scholastic book order is due today.
  31. Rummage through junk drawer to find a blank check.
  32. Fill out form. Order Paw Patrol book.
  33. Find note from teacher. They also need a family picture today? Seriously?!
  34. Rummage through junk drawer. No photos in here.
  35. Spend the next ten minutes looking for a family photo. Contemplate who even prints photos anymore. Not this family.
  36. Pop one out of a frame and put it back in the folder.
  37. Clean up cereal from the kitchen floor.
  38. Turn off Paw Patrol.
  39. Ignore tantrum.
  40. Locate a matching pair of sneakers.
  41. Bribe toddler to sit by the front door with fruit snacks.
  42. Wiggle the sneakers on. It’s a miracle!
  43. The coffee!! That was a close one. Pour a travel mug and hope it’s still hot.
  44. Grab toddler’s backpack. Locate purse.
  45. Look down. Where are MY shoes…?
  46. Find a matching pair of flip flops.
  47. Check watch. Damn, mama. You’re getting good at this. One minute to spare.
  48. Take a photo of toddler ready for school. Biiiiig smile!
  49. Post to Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Look like you’ve got this ish under control.
  50. Get in the car and drive away. Another day, another drop off.