Jobs That Should Be Given To Toddlers

Have you ever looked at your toddler and thought “You should be a police officer with all those questions!” I go through this kind of thing everyday with my 2.5 year old, and so I started listing all the jobs we should be outsourcing to toddlers. I don’t just mean if they paint, they should be a painter or if they help you cook, they should be a chef. I mean all those less obvious jobs. It turns out, there’s quite a few forms of employment that I think toddlers would be great at.


Toddler Highway Patrol Officer


Job Requirements- Ability to tell driver what they’re doing wrong. Every single time they do it.

Language Requirements-

“Mom! Light is green! Go!”

“Dad! Don’t drive fast! It’s not good.”

“Why are you honking?”


Toddler Detective

Job Requirements- Ability to notice when a toy has been moved, a cookie has disappeared, the wrapper of a candy has appeared in the trash can that they didn’t eat. Once, I left the corner, the CORNER of a wrapper out. And she knew…. Boy, did she know.

Language Requirements-

“Where’s my *insert name of toy that hasn’t been touched in one month here*”

“I want my cookie”

“What’s that in the trash?”


Toddler Interior Designer

Job Requirements – Ability to drag perfectly placed furniture to pretty much anywhere and everywhere. Especially in stores.

Language Requirements –

“I moved it! See?”

“Mommy look!”


Toddler Actor/Actress in a Drama


Job Requirements – The ability to switch on the waterworks when people are around, most notably grandparents. And switch them off as soon as some form of their favorite food/cartoon/toy is offered.

Language Requirements-


“But grandma, I want THAT one!”

“Grandpa, it’s MINE!”


Toddler Caregiver

Job Requirements- A younger sibling is needed for this employment opportunity. Your natural ability to tell them what to do teach will be a bonus.

Language Requirements-

“Don’t touch that baby brother!”

“That’s mine baby sister!”

“Don’t put that in your mouth!”


Toddler Negotiator

Job Requirements- Determination to get what you want.

Language Requirements

“Please can I have some more?” (to which the reply is no more, you’ve had enough) “Okay, please can I have just one more/a little?”



Toddler Scientist


Job Requirements – A curiosity in every. little. thing and constant questioning of every. little. thing.

Language Requirements-

“How?” “Why?”

“How?” “Why?”

“How?” “Why?”


I could go on, but I must stop. What are some jobs you think your toddler should have? Leave a comment below!

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Managing Editor. Ladan is a British mother of three, who moved to California in 2008 to live with her husband. Born and raised in London, she has the very British sarcastic sense of humor. None of her previous workplaces prepared her for becoming a mother and having the three most demanding bosses in the world, but also the cutest.

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