Have you ever looked at your toddler and thought “You should be a police officer with all those questions!” I go through this kind of thing everyday with my 2.5 year old, and so I started listing all the jobs we should be outsourcing to toddlers. I don’t just mean if they paint, they should be a painter or if they help you cook, they should be a chef. I mean all those less obvious jobs. It turns out, there’s quite a few forms of employment that I think toddlers would be great at.
Toddler Highway Patrol Officer
Job Requirements- Ability to tell driver what they’re doing wrong. Every single time they do it.
Language Requirements-
“Mom! Light is green! Go!”
“Dad! Don’t drive fast! It’s not good.”
“Why are you honking?”
Toddler Detective
Job Requirements- Ability to notice when a toy has been moved, a cookie has disappeared, the wrapper of a candy has appeared in the trash can that they didn’t eat. Once, I left the corner, the CORNER of a wrapper out. And she knew…. Boy, did she know.
Language Requirements-
“Where’s my *insert name of toy that hasn’t been touched in one month here*”
“I want my cookie”
“What’s that in the trash?”
Toddler Interior Designer
Job Requirements – Ability to drag perfectly placed furniture to pretty much anywhere and everywhere. Especially in stores.
Language Requirements –
“I moved it! See?”
“Mommy look!”
Toddler Actor/Actress in a Drama
Job Requirements – The ability to switch on the waterworks when people are around, most notably grandparents. And switch them off as soon as some form of their favorite food/cartoon/toy is offered.
Language Requirements-
“WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”
“But grandma, I want THAT one!”
“Grandpa, it’s MINE!”
Toddler Caregiver
Job Requirements- A younger sibling is needed for this employment opportunity. Your natural ability to tell them what to do teach will be a bonus.
Language Requirements-
“Don’t touch that baby brother!”
“That’s mine baby sister!”
“Don’t put that in your mouth!”
Toddler Negotiator
Job Requirements- Determination to get what you want.
Language Requirements
“Please can I have some more?” (to which the reply is no more, you’ve had enough) “Okay, please can I have just one more/a little?”
“Pllllllllllleasssssseeeeeee?”
Toddler Scientist
Job Requirements – A curiosity in every. little. thing and constant questioning of every. little. thing.
Language Requirements-
“How?” “Why?”
“How?” “Why?”
“How?” “Why?”
I could go on, but I must stop. What are some jobs you think your toddler should have? Leave a comment below!
