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Jobs That Should Be Given To Toddlers

Have you ever looked at your toddler and thought “You should be a police officer with all those questions!” I go through this kind of thing everyday with my 2.5 year old, and so I started listing all the jobs we should be outsourcing to toddlers. I don’t just mean if they paint, they should be a painter or if they help you cook, they should be a chef. I mean all those less obvious jobs. It turns out, there’s quite a few forms of employment that I think toddlers would be great at.

Toddler Highway Patrol Officer


Job Requirements- Ability to tell driver what they’re doing wrong. Every single time they do it.

Language Requirements-

“Mom! Light is green! Go!”

“Dad! Don’t drive fast! It’s not good.”

“Why are you honking?”

Toddler Detective

Job Requirements- Ability to notice when a toy has been moved, a cookie has disappeared, the wrapper of a candy has appeared in the trash can that they didn’t eat. Once, I left the corner, the CORNER of a wrapper out. And she knew…. Boy, did she know.

Language Requirements-

“Where’s my *insert name of toy that hasn’t been touched in one month here*”

“I want my cookie”

“What’s that in the trash?”

Toddler Interior Designer

Job Requirements – Ability to drag perfectly placed furniture to pretty much anywhere and everywhere. Especially in stores.

Language Requirements –

“I moved it! See?”

“Mommy look!”

Toddler Actor/Actress in a Drama


Job Requirements – The ability to switch on the waterworks when people are around, most notably grandparents. And switch them off as soon as some form of their favorite food/cartoon/toy is offered.

Language Requirements-


“But grandma, I want THAT one!”

“Grandpa, it’s MINE!”

Toddler Caregiver

Job Requirements- A younger sibling is needed for this employment opportunity. Your natural ability to tell them what to do teach will be a bonus.

Language Requirements-

“Don’t touch that baby brother!”

“That’s mine baby sister!”

“Don’t put that in your mouth!”

Toddler Negotiator

Job Requirements- Determination to get what you want.

Language Requirements

“Please can I have some more?” (to which the reply is no more, you’ve had enough) “Okay, please can I have just one more/a little?”


Toddler Scientist


Job Requirements – A curiosity in every. little. thing and constant questioning of every. little. thing.

Language Requirements-

“How?” “Why?”

“How?” “Why?”

“How?” “Why?”

I could go on, but I must stop. What are some jobs you think your toddler should have? Leave a comment below!

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