Let’s “Chase Lightning Bugs” On Halloween

My oldest child wants to be a dragon for Halloween. I’m not an “Oh cool, I’ll make one from old jeans and false hope” kind of mom. So I’ve been scouring the Internet looking for one I can make with two clicks and my credit card information. I found this:

dragon costume
Image: Chasing Fireflies

Really cool costume, right? I love it and so did my son. It’s $75. At first glance. I thought to myself, “These lunatics at Chasing Fireflies are either on very expensive cocaine or I’m clearly not part of their costume demographic.” After further clicking and indignation, I discovered that $75 is for the pants, shirt and tail ONLY.

accessories sold separately:
– demon dragon mask
– demon dragon hands
– demon dragon wings
– demon dragon feet

What in the holy hell, Chasing Fireflies?

All the other crap (that actually makes this a dragon costume) is sold separately for a grand total of $186 or, as I call it, groceries for a week, the boots I’ll never get, or enough clothes from Old Navy to last an entire season for one of the kids. I really should have known that this catalog is not for me by the use of the term “fireflies” in place of what should be “lightning bugs” said with a twang. I’m sure the catalog “Chasing Lightning Bugs” is my price range.

Let’s keep in mind that your kid is going to wear this around for an hour or so begging for candy. A kid in a $186 costume should be walking around giving out money to the poor schmucks in his neighborhood because something has obviously gone better in his life.

My kid will probably be wearing this costume from Walmart (or another place where sane parents who like to eat buy costumes):

Dragon Costume
Image: Halloween in Style

 

I found this costume for $19.74 from a place called Halloween in Style. This sounds more in line with what a Halloween costume should be, which is cheaply made and uncomfortable with a mask that only allows for shallow breathing. It’s all part of the childhood Halloween experience. If you aren’t having trouble breathing while hoisting a plastic $1 pumpkin bucket then your parents have failed.

I’m going to go back and add this to my list of “Stupid Modern Parenting Trends” that cause my butt hole to itch. Give me a break, people.