My Miscarriage Experience

My Miscarriage Experience
Miscarriage_New_4_1024x1024
Photo source: www.bamary.com

 

Something about writing to other women, other parents, helps me get through the hard days. I wrote when my Mirena IUD perforated my uterus at 6 weeks post partum and I had to have emergency surgery, when we found out my son had lip tie and that that’s what was causing my intense breastfeeding pain, and here I am again. Writing to you about my miscarriage last night. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I am here.

Having had two healthy and wonderful children, we found out two weeks ago that I was pregnant with baby number 3. It was a shock, but a welcome one, and we started imagining a sibling for the older two to play with and nurture, as my daughter has been begging for a baby sister. She’s almost a mommy herself, she takes care of me pretty well.

We decided not to tell our parents just yet, as we wanted to do a cute birth announcement. Our families do not live close by, so keeping the secret was pretty easy. I had ordered a “Soon-to-be Big Brother!” shirt for my son and was just waiting for it to arrive.  From the timing of the first day of my last period, I was 7 weeks along, so it was still very early. But I did tell my three closest girlfriends who live within minutes of my house, and I even remember saying that I felt it was so important to tell someone incase, God forbid, anything bad was to happen, I would need their help. How important those words now seem.

On Wednesday night, at 8.5 weeks, I started spotting, and thought nothing of it as I had experienced spotting with my previous pregnancies. On Thursday I woke up to heavier bleeding like a period, and some abdominal and back pain. My friend came over to watch the kids and I went straight to the doctor who scheduled me for an ultrasound and a blood test. I sat in the blood test weeping, convinced I was losing my baby. When I lay down for the ultrasound, I had lost hope. A normal ultrasound showed nothing, but, by some miracle, the internal ultrasound showed my tiny baby, with a flashing heartbeat. We breathed a sigh of relief, while the ultrasound technician kept saying that the baby was too small. It did not measure up to my last period and was “too small”- I keep hearing those words. She was so concerned. Regardless, she handed me a photo and my doctor said I must stay in bed and drink plenty of water.

My husband was wonderful and kept the children out as much as possible. I was at home sleeping, drinking and eating. But I kept bleeding, it was like a normal period, so I would google the internet for possibilities of what it could be. An ectopic pregnancy perhaps? Just a part of my pregnancy? Many women had posted about bleeding and having healthy children. But in my heart, I felt that the baby was not going to make it. I cried, I talked to God and to my baby, as I felt it could not possibly make it through all this bleeding.

On Saturday evening, my husband brought the kids home and I sat down to eat some food they had brought me. Suddenly, I started to feel pain in my abdomen and two gushes of blood pass down. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had passed a large clot with some sort of tissue and I called my husband in. I remember crying and saying “This is not right. I think I’m having a miscarriage.” That’s when the contractions started, and that’s really why I’m writing this post. I never, ever knew that miscarriages involve labor type pains. I’ve had two kids, and I know what labor feels like. The contraction would come, I would cry for the pain, for my baby, for what was going on, and then it would leave. My husband called our friend and she was at our house within minutes to watch the kids while we went to the emergency room. I tried to hide my tears, but my daughter is so sensitive and kept asking me why my tummy was hurting (we had also not told her about the pregnancy) and I just told her I would be fine.

The staff at the emergency room were absolutely wonderful and very sensitive to our situation. A friend of mine said during her miscarriage, the doctor was very unsympathetic, which is the worst thing I can possibly imagine. The contractions continued to come and go, and my husband, although trying to help me through, looked so panicked as to what was happening to me. We had no clue about what this experience entailed. I was put in a private room for another vaginal ultrasound and blood test. I asked the ultrasound technician if she would tell me when she sees the baby, and that’s the moment I will probably remember for the rest of my life- the hesitation, and the “I don’t see it, I’m afraid.”

I guess you never forget that moment when you’re told. Everything stops. Everything. Except the tears.

By this time my contractions had also stopped. I remember the technician saying she had seen my ultrasound from Thursday and that the baby seemed “too small” and was most likely not growing normally and this was “nature’s way of dealing with it.” She was a sweet lady who was trying to comfort me, but no words felt comforting.

My bleeding continued. I was told it would for a few days, but to see my doctor as I had already planned to on Monday, and to get plenty of rest. Then we were discharged. Just like that, my baby left me.

That was it. Yesterday I was pregnant and today I’m not.

I’m hurting in a way that I can’t put into words. I believe that my little baby is up there in a much better place than this world could ever offer. I believe we will meet. I am eternally grateful for the two wonderful children I came home to with their smiling faces and cries of “Mama!” But I know I will always think of my unborn little one.

I don’t know what the right words are to say to someone who has been through this experience, but I know that letting them grieve is important. Yes, we only knew about it for a short time, yes, we never physically touched the baby, but I carried it, and it was part of me. The pain is there, it’s real and it hurts so much.

If you know someone who is going through this, please make sure they have help with the house, food and the kids, because it is physically painful as well as emotionally. My lower abdomen is still quite painful. Hollie posted about it on the Baby Gizmo Facebook page, and some amazing women gave wonderful words of comfort- if you are going through this, it may help to read their comments here.

Finally, I know that many women and couples choose not to announce their pregnancy incase of a loss. But I stand by the words I previously stated- at least tell some people who live close by and that can help you just incase anything does happen. At times like this, you need the love, comfort and help of others to get through the hard times. <3

Have you experienced a miscarriage? Leave us a comment below and help ease another mother’s pain.

33 COMMENTS

  1. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so strong and sharing your experience. I have to say that I am not as strong because I have had 3 miscarriages and only shared with a few close friends and family. After having an uneventful and full term pregnancy with my first child, I never considered the possibility of having a loss but then a year later I found myself going through that exactly. It was so tough for me although it was an early loss, it was still a loss and many people could not understand my pain. The second time, I was scared but still chose to tell my family and friends i was pregnant, convincing myself that the first mc was a fluke. Early into my 2nd trimester, I lost that child too and had to endure the pain of giving birth at home, collecting what tissue I could to take to the hospital, and then move across an ocean a week later. I was devastated and had residual bleeding for 3 months. My third mc was only shared with my mom and sister who both were not understanding or supportive, blaming me and warning me to stop trying. Not having that support was probably the second to worst thing next to not having my children. Determined, my husband and I kept trying and just before he was to deploy, we found out that I was expecting! I was working with a very informative and sympathetic doctor who had prescribed me progesterone to start after ovulation and my pregnancy continued. It has been so tough because all of my fears and facing them alone but here we are at 34 weeks with a healthy baby boy growing inside of me. For those of you who have lost, have faith that there is hope and follow your heart ?

  2. So sorry for your loss, I’m grieving for you & with you. After trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs with no success, I was told by the Doctors that in all possibility I would never have a child without help since I had polycystic ovaries. After taking pills and hormone injections and all sorts of home remydies & potions for over 15 yrs, we accepted Allah’s will & stopped trying. The only thing we did not try was IVF as we could not afford it and it was not available on the NHS. Then 5yrs later, totaly out of the blue I found out I was pregnant. My period was 5 days late and I was getting terrible cramps and unbearable abdo pain. The A&E doc sent me for a scan &when they told me I was pregnant I nearly fell of the bed & refused to believe them till I saw it on the scan. Due to the pain they kept me in hospital & I had a scan every week. We could see the heart beat but it was too early to hear it, but we were told that it was the right size & growing normaly. Then at 11 weeks, one morning I woke up & the pain had gone but I knew straight away that some thing was wrong. Later that day the scan showed no heart beat ,my baby was dead although we could still see the little shape in the amniotic sac. Obviously my husband & I were in shock & totaly devastated. We didnt get much simpathy from the docter who was a women. She discharged me & sent me home saying expect heavy bleeding.
    After waiting a week with no bleeding, they did a D& C.
    We had told no one about the pregnancy as things were so touch and go. That yr Eid al Adha was same time as xmas so we were going to tell everyone then as I would have been about 15 weeks by then.
    I ended up grieving alone as my husband, although very loving & undertanding, felt that it was over and done with & I should move on as was not meant to be. In some ways it was easier as I had not still fully accepted that I was pregnant.
    4 months later while still grieving and tryin to come to terms with my loss, my mother passed away, my Allah grant her Jannah. A month later I missed my period again , which I never do. The pain & cramps started again & again had to go to A&E. They did the scan & told me I was about 6 weeks pregnant ! This was definatly a miracle from Allah Almighty. This time I found it a bit easier to accept & was sure things would go alright. Why else would Allah give me a second chance. May be the first time was a trial run to prepare for the real thing. I was extatic & this time told my sister & a few close friends. However, at 11 weeks again history repeated itself, the pain stopped & the scan showed no heart beat. I could not believe it, my heart was in pieces & I felt totaly numb. The technican left the room saying she had left the picture on the screen so we could look at it in private & to get dressed & come out when ready. In my shock & distress, I had forgotten all about my husband, who was still standing at the foot of the bed. I was trying to do up my jacket but my hands were shacking so much I couldnt do the zip, he walked over, did up the zip then took me into his arms & said ” Inna lillahe wa innah illayhe rajioon ” & thats when it hit me . My little baby was gone & for the second time . I couldnt believe it, surely fate couldnt be so cruel after the years of longing & waiting. Again I had to go in for a D&C after 8 days of no blood loss.
    My tears would not stop, I was beyond broken hearted. I just could not accept the loss. At 42 I knew that my chances of another pregnancy was almost zero. Everyone told me to forget it & move on. I felt they were all being insensitive, how could I forget my little helpless babies ? I felt I had let them down, that I couldnt even protect them in my womb where they should have been safe. Some said dont worry you could have another one , but I didnt want another one, I wanted the ones that should have been, the ones who’s heart beat I never got to hear, the ones I never even got a chance to feel moving in my womb or had the pleasure of anticipating their arrival or of holding them in my waiting arms. Even friends who themselves had had a misscaridge didnt seem to understand as they already had children before & then went on to have more or after their misscaridge they went on to have children. I felt so lonely & bereft. I prayed every moment of the day & night for Allah to make this very difficult time go easier and to give me sabar & forebearance. Eventualy the tears got less but the silent grieving & loss has never gone. You just learn to live with it. How can you forget a part of you that has been lost forever.
    That was 10 years ago, every now & then I still cry buckets, especialy on the days they died & on what would have been their birthdays. I’m still asking Allah to grant me sabar & serenity but I dont want to forget them, I’m the only one that remembers but thats ok, they are a part of me.
    I know that in Islam a foetus is only considered a baby after 4 months or 120 days when its soul is breathed into it, & so if a miscarridge occurs after that time, the baby goes straight to jannah to play at the feet of Ibrahim AS , & on the day of judgement it will drag his parents in to jannah. For me, even this is no comfort as both miscarriges were at 11 weeks so well before the soul is injected. But Allah in his wisdom, works in mystesious ways which are beyond the understanding of us mere mortals, so I continue to pray to merciful Allah that he will keep my babies safe so that one day I will get to meet them, Inshah allah. The real sad part for me is that my wonderful husband would have made a fantastic & loving father & in a way I have denied him that as well as the pleasure of grandchildren . My broken heart bleeds even more each time I see him playing with my friends children.
    I hope & pray that all the sisters in this situation find their hearts filled with peace & that Allah swa gives you the support & sabar that you need & that you too will find your little one waiting for you in heavan.
    Was salaam. X x.

  3. Thank you for sharing. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage at 8.5 and 10 weeks respectively. You have put into words what many women can not express (or talk about) – the hope and joy that was once there and then the overwhelming sorrow that is there in the flick of an eye. The physical pain is hard, and unlike labor there is no reward. Only sorrow.

    For me, the grieving continued. For many years. Especially when I hit certain milestones, like mother’s day or their due date, or their birthdays. Over time, The pain has lessened, but it has never really gone away. I think a person who experiences this, never really does move on completely. It is something that molds you, changes you. Forever.

    My prayer is that through your sharing, other women who have experience the same thing will be comforted, in some small way. You are not alone. They are not alone. We are all in this together.

  4. I have survived two miscarriages. The first one was truly devastating because we were blindsided. We still lived in the world where getting pregnant = bringing home a baby 9 months later. It hurt so badly that we didn’t try again for 5 yrs, only to have a second miscarriage when we finally did. People who have never experienced a miscarriage don’t understand that you are mourning the loss of a future life, birthdays, hugs, kisses, graduations, even grandchildren.

    Once I began to openly talk about my experiences, I was amazed to find out that almost every single women I talked with had experienced a miscarriage of her own but never talked about it before.

    Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with my Rainbow Baby (baby born after a loss of a child) three months ago. Honestly, she has been the source of my biggest healing. I’ll always remember and love my two angels, because of them I cherish every moment I can with my Rainbow (yes even the 3 am feeding/diaper changes) .

    Thank you for sharing your angel with us, she will always be part of you and everyone else you share her with. As others have said take one breath at a time. Grieve as you need, grieve with your husband and allow him to grieve as he needs. Thoughts and prayers for you.

  5. I have had four miscarriages now I have two beautiful daughters when I had my three I give up thinking I would never get pregnant again I left it to up to god and I another after my daughter older daughter now eight years later I have been blessed with another daughter I had three daughters my first died the pain of having a miscarriage is heart braking but always remember the date of when you had your miscarriage and make your never forget it but you have faith in god he knows what is best for you and was not

  6. Hi I have experienced a miscarriage…my miscarriage wasn’t any normal miscarriage and it was the first time I got pregnant and I won’t be able to become a parent ever again…..

    It damaged my body organs, my antibodies were rejecting every living part of me .. I had a acute confusion even after I misscarried( the time I was pregnant I was mistakenly put it some wrong care .. Sectioned ( it was the worst feeling ever) and then a month later I was in medical care due to high fever and every test they carried out came out as negative… Even I was highly confused I had a feeling I would never be able to get out Alive …. And not be able to grieve over my loss made me extremely sad ……
    It damaged my kidneys right at the end just before I started to respond to any more treatments …..

    I haven’t been able to grieve because i find it dificult and knowing the facts there would be a chance of this happening again doctors have strictly made me avoid conceiving …
    I don’t think I will ever get over this feeling…..

  7. Hi I have experienced a miscarriage…my miscarriage wasn’t any normal miscarriage and it was the first time I got pregnant and I won’t be able to become a parent ever again…..

    It damaged my body organs, my antibodies were rejecting every hug living part of me .. I had a acute confusion even after I misscarried( the time I was pregnant I was mistakenly put it some wrong care .. Sectioned ( it was the worst feeling ever) and then a month later I was in medical care due to high fever and every test they carried out came out as negative… Even I was highly confused I had a feeling I would never be able to get out Alive …. And not be able to grieve over my loss made me extremely sad ……
    It damaged my kidneys right at the end just before I started to respond to any more treatments …..

    I haven’t been able to grieve because i find it dificult and knowing the facts there would be a chance of this happening again doctors have strictly made me avoid conceiving …
    I don’t think I will ever get over this feeling…..

  8. This page comes as a huge relief but need more comments on my side to soothe my heart.
    This 23rd inshalllah we will complete 3years of happy married life, alhamdulillah.
    But what remains is feelings in anyicipation of a baby. Right from start i had been on treatments for uti infection plus for conceiving. I conceived a year later, became pregnant but it was not showing heart beats even at 2 and half months. I underwent miscarriage and was on treatments one after another till yet. Now they say i have polycystic ovary syndrome, despite that im not obese at all.
    now still in anticipation of pregnancy each month, oh that feeling wen u test negative on a pregnancy test or suddenly ur period starts…
    …i just had a cycle of iui this month, but my strip showed negative when i tested it yesterday after 2days of missed period.
    Plz pray to Allah on my behalf..all of you! I want a baby just to see tears of happiness and a proud smile on the cheeks of my husband. May be this isnt the right time, Allah will grant our wish whenevr He deems it to be fit, but plz pray that its sooner.
    Alhamdullilah, u guys atleast hav a kid or too, really blessed my dear sisters!
    Just pour for me a piece of advice so that i can find contentment and patience….

  9. I had a miscarriage in January of this year, I was a week late for my period (normally regular like clockwork), so I did a test and then it said 2-3 weeks gone. So I stopped my fasting (making up several years worth for when I had my two kids.) I didn’t tell anyone apart from my husband who was happy, though a bit shocked, as he wanted another one. A couple of weeks later I started bleeding; this is after I’d informed my GP and midwife. So I was referred for a scan and had to get a friend to go with me – as my husband was abroad. I was convinced I’d miscarried by this stage as it was a few days of bleeding by now. The scan and blood test confirmed this. I guess I took it quite stoically at the time because Alhamdulillah I’d been blessed with two healthy children already Masha’Allah. It was an odd sort of feeling, I think I’d not really gotten attached to the pregnancy like I did especially with my first.

    Then I had another miscarriage after that – this was totally unexpected and incredibly painful. Overall I bled for around 5 weeks with several days early on of intense pain. I told more people what I was going through second time round as I was in so much pain – so just in case I needed help with anything. Looking back I think of how many miscarriages a dear friend of mine had and also my own mother… It was out of my hands and I can’t complain – I’m more fortunate than I can ever be thankful enough for.

  10. I’m not even close to being a being a mother but this raw-narrative was so gut-wrenching yet inspiring. I can finally understand why jannah lies under the feet of mothers because they develop this bond with their children even before they are born. May Allah swt reward you immensely for your patience! Ameen.

    For all the children lost in this world, there are glad tidings for the parents because they go straight to the daycare of jannah which according to some narrations is run by Adam (as) or Ibrahim (as). On the day of judgment those kids would be collected by their parents and accompany them to jannah together. Along with you, the prophet (saws) will be there too to pick up his two sons. That in itself is a big consolation. <3

    Hugs and love,
    Sidra

  11. I have had 2 miscarriages and I think the most important thing you can do is be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. I remember saying to my doctor after the second one, that I felt so exhausted a week or two after it. She kindly reminded me that both my body and soul had been through somehing very difficult and that I had to be gentle with myself. I, like you, am very relieved I had told a few friends about both pregnancies because those same friends were my supports through my grief. Thank you for sharing your story, I am sure it will help others to not feel so alone.

  12. This article bought me to tears as it reminded me of my miscarriage 11 months ago. The pain remains but like someone mentioned it takes time and the pain grows less and less each day, week, month. I don’t think a mother can ever get over losing their child but you learn to move on in life and appreciate the things you do have.
    I was 7 weeks when I miscarried but I already loved our child, it was so exciting to find out the good news, it was my first pregnancy. I started out with light bleeding and at the Urgent Care centre the doctor told me I was still pregnant but to take plenty of bed rest. The bleeding became heavier over night. The next morning I went for an ultrasound and the nurse couldn’t find anything on the screen. She said it was still early days there was a possibility the ultrasound didn’t pick up the picture clearly. When I returned home, I experienced abdominal pain, it was so intense and gradually became worse, the pain came and went until it reached an excruciating point, I was writhing in extreme pain and couldn’t do anything about it. Eventually the pain ebbed away but I felt like I had given birth even though I had never experienced labour before. I was taken to A&E and whilst I was waiting I went to the ladies and passed out a clot along with tissue. At that moment I knew. I knew I had lost the baby, worst of all in a toilet.
    The doctor was very understanding and told me I had a natural miscarriage and there was nothing further that needed doing. I continued to bleed like a normal period.
    The physical pain vanished, but the emotional pain did not. I jumped straight back into daily life, quicker than I should have, it takes times to grieve and I needed to grieve.

    Now I feel I can talk about the miscarriage and my experience without getting choked up, but still there are times when a little reminder will bring the memories flooding back. There is always hope and faith, it’s important never to give up.

    Thank you for sharing your experience and giving others a chance to share theirs.

    Jay from UK

  13. Hi
    Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and that we appreciate your sharing what must be an emotionally and physically tough time. Feel humbled and so inspired by the strength and generosity of your heart: even now you are benefitting others.
    Thinking about you and praying that the Almighty helps you and your family to heal.
    Xxx

  14. Dear ladan…..
    read about ur loss….felt so sorry and grieved over it….i have gone through it for four tymes…lost my last baby at 16 weeks….a month ago..cant tell u how painful it was when doc told me that there is no heartbeat…i was all over a shock…a month ago my baby was fine playin and hoppin around ….but today he wasnt movin….and when i delivered him through all that labor pains…he was in my arms before goin at his final place….i was cryin with all the grief…kissin and adorin my my baby for first and last tyme….but now i kno my all four kids will be in jannah….Allah will be takin care of them …and they will be happy and havin fun there…i have one miracle son alive alhamdulilah…and i find all four of them in him….so Allah has given u two beautiful kids…luv them and cherish them…whenever u think u r goin back see ur kids and say alhamdulilah as he has given u sumthin…..there are people who have nothin in their lives….we have been given this reward of motherhood….

  15. It’s been three years and not a day passes that i don’t think about the babies i lost. I understand your pain and wish i could say it gets easier but it doesn’t, that pain will never go away, you just learn to live with it. Your next pregnancy will be terrifying until you hold that baby in your arms. The next birth will be bittersweet and you will feel guilt for not being as happy and excited but rather feeling numb.

  16. Growing up I always daydreamed about what it would be like to be pregnant. To have the product of me and my husbands love growing inside of me. But one thing you never imagine or can even prepare for is the loss of your baby. I was 7 weeks pregnant and had known for less than a week when I had my miscarriage. I remember watching the screen during the vaginal ultrasound and waiting to see my baby but there was nothing. I never even got to hear my baby’s heartbeat. The doctor came in afterwards and told me what was happening and tears just started rolling down my face. I couldn’t understand how one day my baby was there and the next he/she was gone.
    As Muslims, what brought comfort to me and my husband was this hadith:
    Abu Hassan said to Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنهما), “Two children of mine have passed away. Will you not narrate to us a Hadith from the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that will comfort us in our loss?” He said, “Yes, their children are the children of Jannah (Paradise) and they will meet their parents and take a hold of their hands as I am taking a hold of the hem of you garment, and the child will not let go until Allah admits them all into Jannah. (Muslim)
    All I can do is ask God to keep me patient in this life so I may be reunited with my baby in the next.
    My heart goes out to you and your family, may you also remain patient.

  17. I love that my Baby Gizmo friends were brave enough to post this!!! There are so many of us who suffer with this in silence because it is treated like a dirty little secret. :*( I am blessed with an 8 year old, my 2 year old rainbow baby, and I have three babies in heaven. I just recently experienced my third pregnancy loss at 11 weeks while my husband was overseas. That was tough. I agree that you need to tell somebody, but after experiencing a loss, for me, I was unable to feel joy over any following pregnancies and it is hard to un-tell all those that you’ve told. We always tell immediate family, because a life needs to be celebrated no matter how short lived. My in-laws and my dad were there for me when I had my D&C. The heartache over those losses, never really goes away. You just learn how to live with it.

  18. After a year and a half of trying, we knew for 6 days before I lost mine. I got pregnant about two months later w my little girl but the date I lost that one will stay with me forever. We were already thinking of names and how to tell people too. I like to think there is a jumping bean heaven for those littles that get to meet Jesus sooner!

  19. I am so sorry for your loss. I too feel your pain. My first pregnancy was a welcomed surprise to my husband and I. We told everyone. We were so excited. And at 12 weeks and 4 days I woke to terrible cramping and some spotting. At the EL an ultrasound confirmed our greatest fear that we had lost the baby. I was in terrible pain and dealt with a cold unsympathetic Dr who told me “go home and if you really can’t endure the pain call your ob.” I was heartbroken and in serious pain but home we went. I bled profusely and had consistent contractions for 12+ hours. After finally passing what I assume was the baby my body couldn’t take anymore and I collapsed unconscious. At a different er (rushed by ambulance) it was confirmed the baby was gone but still needed a DNC and blood transfusion. . . This was absolutely the worst experience of my life. I still pray for my sweet unborn baby and thank God everyday for the 2 wonderful babies I get to be mommy to. I hope you find healing and comfort from your loved ones and remember there are so many mommies out there that feel your pain. You are not alone. And it is ok to give and go through the healing process at your own pace. God bless you.

  20. Today is 21st of October, I came to know about the most wonderful miracle of nature granted by ALLAH to me on 15th of September,2014. It was like the most beautiful moment of my life when i came to know about my baby , my new and everlasting love, my life. Being a mother is like an amazing feeling when you come to know that you will be holding a part of yourself in your hands within few months. I could not thank ALLAH enough for granting me a gift which meant more than this world to me. I had a hard time though as a few months passed by since we got married but then as well my husband was really happy to know that i was pregnant that time i was 6 weeks pregnant.
    I had a healthy pregnancy, after two weeks went for the routine checkup. 8 weeks were passed by the doctor said, “Baby is fine but come after two weeks then you will be able to listen to his heartbeat.” After two days I spotted a tiny blood particle when i washed, was not worried until then but the very next day continuous bleeding started, my husband took me to the hospital right away. I live in Rabigh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia it was 12 O’ clock then, not any gynecologist was available and I said, “I have an emergency case kindly treat me”, the doctor in emergency said, “Sorry I cannot do anything for you I am not a gynecologist, come back at five O’clock your doctor will be here”. I was devastated to hear that, i replied that, “I am having continuous bleeding by that time I might have miscarriage.” but they could not help. We went back to home, I lied down my husband kept two pillows under my thighs. I kept praying the whole time, oh ALLAH, DO NOT MAKE MY WOMB, A GRAVE FOR MY CHILD. Finally it was 5 O’clock and we were at the hospital, my doctor had my ultrasound done she said the baby is fine, here is your baby. I cannot express how much happy and relax i was to know that my baby is fine. She gave me Cyclogest 400 mg to use daily, but the bleeding did not stop. Second day I had a contraction and a chunk of blood came out and heavy bleeding started. The contraction the pain which is similar to labor pain ,abdominal and back pain which just kills you. I knew that i am having the pain of miscarriage because it was unbearable. My husband took me to the government hospital as it was friday a local holiday here, in all the private hospitals only emergency doctors are available. The doctor over there just looked at my pad and stated that, “you are not having heavy bleeding”. I said, “please have my ultrasound done so that I will be able to know whether my baby is fine or not?” she replied, “I do not prefer ultrasound in such condition because you are already having a lot of pain, just go home lay down have proper bed rest. ”
    For the next 4 days I was on bed, my husband took care of me in way I could never have imagined him to do, he used to wake up at the mid of night when i had those contractions, that pain and bleeding which was Unstoppable. I beared that pain for continuous five days as it was Eid-ul-Adha and not any gynecologist was available all over in Rabigh and Jeddah. The pain is much worse then labor pain because if you are having a complete miscarriage the contractions will be almost 3 to 4 times a day , with each one you will have abdominal, back pain and heavy flow of blood and really big clots of blood. As soon as you are through with complete miscarriage you feel immediate comfort in standing straight otherwise you cannot stand straight because as soon as you put weight on your feet it effect your stomach and you cannot bear that pain. I called my Mom as soon as I had that comfortable feeling I said that, “I am fine now muma”, she kept quiet because she knew that it is not a good sign she did not say a word.
    Next day I went to the doctor, as on 5th day of Eid all the people are back to their routines. In the ultrasound she could not find the baby I kept looking at the screen hoping that my baby would be fine but no, he was not there. She gave me hymox to take for a week and said try to get pregnant after three months. Right after that I kept vomiting for five days whatever I used to eat could not be digested, I thought may be the pregnancy is safe, just came back from the hospital but there was nothing in the ultrasound.The bleeding started on my menstrual cycle dates and stopped right after 7th day, I lost my baby within these seven days in which I could not do anything to save my baby. It is Allah’s will, He gave me happiness of my life and took it away. He takes our exams in different ways but how can a mother forget her Unborn child. I have written this so that people will be able to know what is it like to have a miscarriage and especially for ladies living in KSA like me.

  21. I miscarried my first baby at 11 weeks while in the uk on holiday. Your article felt like I had written it. The emotion… The uncertainty… The pain and the grief. I was given meds to induce labour and it being my first pregnancy I was not prepared for the sheer intensity of labour pain . The doctors and nurses (all female) had zero sympathy for me. I was actually given a Dnc… While wide awake. No anaesthetic. No painkillers. Just excruciating pain. And then emptiness that lasted ages. Within 3 months I fell preg with my daughter and then was blessed with a sin 11.5 months after age was born. Will never forget that baby or the immense grief of losing my baby. I’m so sorry. You are in my prayers. Stay strong. When Allah takes away He always gives you something more beautiful than you can imagine if you bear the test with sabr and shukr insha Allah Ameen

  22. My heart goes out to you. I miscarried first baby 7 years ago…not knowing what labour or contractions were…but I had to go through labour to deliver it. I was only 12 weeks, but spotted, then scan found no heartbeat. 6 painful years later, I fell pregnant again, a surprise since I’d been told otherwise but lost it within a week of finding out. A few months later, on Ramzan Eid I found out I was pregnant again and now have a beautiful son. But I always think of the others…keep thinking that Allah is looking after them till I get to see them. Its strange, miscarriages are such a common painful event and yet few women will willingly talk about it. I think its important to. Grieving…never lessens the pain and just vecause you haven’t held it in your arms doesn’t mean its ok. The dreams, hopes and happiness associated with a loved before birth child…only a woman/mother knows. I commend you for sharing your experience…I had an amazing family and loving, caring husband who is the only reason I managed to get
    through first time round. The other thing- men need to grieve too. They are, afterall, hoping to.be fathers, its important couples talk…even if its later. X

  23. I experienced a miscarriage with my second pregnancy and i will never forget the words the doctor said to me ” you’ve had a first trimester demise” i couldnt understand what that meant at first but as soon as it registered, i burst into tears.. I was devastated and hurt beyond words. But i prayed and with support from family i got better. 2 months later, i got pregnant again with my second daughter and shes almost 2 now.. Praise God.. So take care of your self, pray, rest and another miracle will come soon by Gods grace, amen

  24. Hey brave women. I had 2 miscarriages. Time heals all wounds, but you will always always long for the babies you lost. Will always remember the day it happened. They day they would of been born. But what helped me thru is knowing this is God’s way. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby, to save us from the heartache of loosing our babies later in the pregnancy. That is what helped me.

    You are very brave.. mourn the loss of your child. Let know one tell you different.

    Big hug!!@@

  25. I have experienced exactly what you described and it was awful. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and my second an ectopic that ruptured one of my Fallopian tubes. After the 4 years of infertility that followed, my husband and I adopted a newborn baby boy last year. He is such a gift! I still mourn for my other two babies and pray we are able to give siblings to our son one day.

  26. Hi

    Thank you for blogging your experience, having suffered 2 miscarriages myself I know exactly what you went through it’s physically and emotionally tough but time is a great healer hope you recover soon.

  27. 4 miscarriages later and I can honestly say that each and every time I felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on. The pain is always there but the tears slowly leave our eyes. I too have two beautiful healthy normal children and can conceive. I can’t carry my baby after the first trimester. Your story is a reflection of my past 3 years. I truly feel your pain.

  28. My first 2 pregnancys ended in miscarriages.They were in the same year.Its very emotional,and the pain never leaves.Through prayer ever day gets better,but the unborn baby will never be forgotten and the hope of meeting him/her in heaven is something that keeps me strong.

  29. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 8 weeks and I was spotting from Day 1. 4 days before I miscarried I had a gush of bleeding. I went to the doctor and saw my baby’s heartbeat for the first (and last) time.
    On the night of the 4th day, I started cramping up really badly and bleeding and passing clots. The contractions continued for a week after.
    It has been 11 months since I found out about my pregnancy. I haven’t been able to conceive yet and what hurts me is that I almost had my first baby.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. All I can say is that the pain does lessen with time. Hang in there xx

  30. I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying now reading your post. When I lost my baby, people told me to “get over it” “move on” “you’ll get pregnant again”. The thing is, we don’t want to get over it, move on, or get pregnant again. We want the baby we lost.

    One thing I have to tell you is you will never get over your loss. However, things will get easier. You will get stronger. The tears will come less and less until you have days where you may feel the pain of sadness, but no tears will fall.

    Lots of hugs for you hun. If you need to talk, please don’t be afraid to reach out.

  31. I lost my baby at 22 weeks and I can totally relate to the feeling of being on top of the world one day and the next just feeling like your life is over.
    I now have two beautiful children but it still hurts. People try and comfort you the best they can but sometimes it comes off as “suck it up, you never held your baby other people lose their baby after having cared for them”
    Just got to stay strong x

  32. I am so sorry for your loss. I too went through the same scenario 7yrs ago with my first pregnancy. I was asked if I was sure that I was pregnant. Today, I have my rainbow turning 6yrs old in a month and to this day I think about my little angel that I carried for about 8-9weeks but never physically held, met, kissed, hugged, or talked to while in my hands but I was excited to receive in my hands in 7 months. I felt horrible. Like there was something I did wrong. Today I know I didn’t do anything wrong but still feel like I should have done something to “protect” my baby better.
    God bless you and your family.
    You’re in my prayers and again sorry for your loss.
    Sincerely,
    Emely

    P.S. You’re right sometimes it doesn’t matter what people say just letting a mother grieve the loss of her unborn child needs to be left alone. One day at a time, one breath at a time and at times many, many tears at a time is how I handled it.

  33. You are so brave to share these moving words with all of us. I know many people will benefit and learn from your story. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for having the courage to share your pain in order to help others. You are amazing.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.