My Miscarriage Experience

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Photo source: www.bamary.com

 

Something about writing to other women, other parents, helps me get through the hard days. I wrote when my Mirena IUD perforated my uterus at 6 weeks post partum and I had to have emergency surgery, when we found out my son had lip tie and that that’s what was causing my intense breastfeeding pain, and here I am again. Writing to you about my miscarriage last night. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I am here.

Having had two healthy and wonderful children, we found out two weeks ago that I was pregnant with baby number 3. It was a shock, but a welcome one, and we started imagining a sibling for the older two to play with and nurture, as my daughter has been begging for a baby sister. She’s almost a mommy herself, she takes care of me pretty well.

We decided not to tell our parents just yet, as we wanted to do a cute birth announcement. Our families do not live close by, so keeping the secret was pretty easy. I had ordered a “Soon-to-be Big Brother!” shirt for my son and was just waiting for it to arrive. ¬†From the timing of the first day of my last period, I was 7 weeks along, so it was still very early. But I did tell my three closest girlfriends who live within minutes of my house, and I even remember saying that I felt it was so important to tell someone incase, God forbid, anything bad was to happen, I would need their help. How important those words now seem.

On Wednesday night, at 8.5 weeks, I started spotting, and thought nothing of it as I had experienced spotting with my previous pregnancies. On Thursday I woke up to heavier bleeding like a period, and some abdominal and back pain. My friend came over to watch the kids and I went straight to the doctor who scheduled me for an ultrasound and a blood test. I sat in the blood test weeping, convinced I was losing my baby. When I lay down for the ultrasound, I had lost hope. A normal ultrasound showed nothing, but, by some miracle, the internal ultrasound showed my tiny baby, with a flashing heartbeat. We breathed a sigh of relief, while the ultrasound technician kept saying that the baby was too small. It did not measure up to my last period and was “too small”- I keep hearing those words. She was so concerned. Regardless, she handed me a photo and my doctor said I must stay in bed and drink plenty of water.

My husband was wonderful and kept the children out as much as possible. I was at home sleeping, drinking and eating. But I kept bleeding, it was like a normal period, so I would google the internet for possibilities of what it could be. An ectopic pregnancy perhaps? Just a part of my pregnancy? Many women had posted about bleeding and having healthy children. But in my heart, I felt that the baby was not going to make it. I cried, I talked to God and to my baby, as I felt it could not possibly make it through all this bleeding.

On Saturday evening, my husband brought the kids home and I sat down to eat some food they had brought me. Suddenly, I started to feel pain in my abdomen and two gushes of blood pass down. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had passed a large clot with some sort of tissue and I called my husband in. I remember crying and saying “This is not right. I think I’m having a miscarriage.” That’s when the contractions started, and that’s really why I’m writing this post. I never, ever knew that miscarriages involve labor type pains. I’ve had two kids, and I know what labor feels like. The contraction would come, I would cry for the pain, for my baby, for what was going on, and then it would leave. My husband called our friend and she was at our house within minutes to watch the kids while we went to the emergency room. I tried to hide my tears, but my daughter is so sensitive and kept asking me why my tummy was hurting (we had also not told her about the pregnancy) and I just told her I would be fine.

The staff at the emergency room were absolutely wonderful and very sensitive to our situation. A friend of mine said during her miscarriage, the doctor was very unsympathetic, which is the worst thing I can possibly imagine. The contractions continued to come and go, and my husband, although trying to help me through, looked so panicked as to what was happening to me. We had no clue about what this experience entailed. I was put in a private room for another vaginal ultrasound and blood test. I asked the ultrasound technician if she would tell me when she sees the baby, and that’s the moment I will probably remember for the rest of my life- the hesitation, and the “I don’t see it, I’m afraid.”

I guess you never forget that moment when you’re told. Everything stops. Everything. Except the tears.

By this time my contractions had also stopped. I remember the technician saying she had seen my ultrasound from Thursday and that the baby seemed “too small” and was most likely not growing normally and this was “nature’s way of dealing with it.” She was a sweet lady who was trying to comfort me, but no words felt comforting.

My bleeding continued. I was told it would for a few days, but to see my doctor as I had already planned to on Monday, and to get plenty of rest. Then we were discharged. Just like that, my baby left me.

That was it. Yesterday I was pregnant and today I’m not.

I’m hurting in a way that I can’t put into words. I believe that my little baby is up there in a much better place than this world could ever offer. I believe we will meet. I am eternally grateful for the two wonderful children I came home to with their smiling faces and cries of “Mama!” But I know I will always think of my unborn little one.

I don’t know what the right words are to say to someone who has been through this experience, but I know that letting them grieve is important. Yes, we only knew about it for a short time, yes, we never physically touched the baby, but I carried it, and it was part of me. The pain is there, it’s real and it hurts so much.

If you know someone who is going through this, please make sure they have help with the house, food and the kids, because it is physically painful as well as emotionally. My lower abdomen is still quite painful. Hollie posted about it on the Baby Gizmo Facebook page, and some amazing women gave wonderful words of comfort- if you are going through this, it may help to read their comments here.

Finally, I know that many women and couples choose not to announce their pregnancy incase of a loss. But I stand by the words I previously stated- at least tell some people who live close by and that can help you just incase anything does happen. At times like this, you need the love, comfort and help of others to get through the hard times. <3

Have you experienced a miscarriage? Leave us a comment below and help ease another mother’s pain.

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Managing Editor. Ladan is a British mother of three, who moved to California in 2008 to live with her husband. Born and raised in London, she has the very British sarcastic sense of humor. None of her previous workplaces prepared her for becoming a mother and having the three most demanding bosses in the world, but also the cutest.

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33 Comments on "My Miscarriage Experience"

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Susan
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So sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so strong and sharing your experience. I have to say that I am not as strong because I have had 3 miscarriages and only shared with a few close friends and family. After having an uneventful and full term pregnancy with my first child, I never considered the possibility of having a loss but then a year later I found myself going through that exactly. It was so tough for me although it was an early loss, it was still a loss and many people could not understand my pain. The… Read more »
Vahida
Guest
So sorry for your loss, I’m grieving for you & with you. After trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs with no success, I was told by the Doctors that in all possibility I would never have a child without help since I had polycystic ovaries. After taking pills and hormone injections and all sorts of home remydies & potions for over 15 yrs, we accepted Allah’s will & stopped trying. The only thing we did not try was IVF as we could not afford it and it was not available on the NHS. Then 5yrs later, totaly out of… Read more »
lindsey
Guest
Thank you for sharing. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage at 8.5 and 10 weeks respectively. You have put into words what many women can not express (or talk about) – the hope and joy that was once there and then the overwhelming sorrow that is there in the flick of an eye. The physical pain is hard, and unlike labor there is no reward. Only sorrow. For me, the grieving continued. For many years. Especially when I hit certain milestones, like mother’s day or their due date, or their birthdays. Over time, The pain has lessened, but it… Read more »
Rebecca
Guest
I have survived two miscarriages. The first one was truly devastating because we were blindsided. We still lived in the world where getting pregnant = bringing home a baby 9 months later. It hurt so badly that we didn’t try again for 5 yrs, only to have a second miscarriage when we finally did. People who have never experienced a miscarriage don’t understand that you are mourning the loss of a future life, birthdays, hugs, kisses, graduations, even grandchildren. Once I began to openly talk about my experiences, I was amazed to find out that almost every single women I… Read more »
rahina hussain
Guest
I have had four miscarriages now I have two beautiful daughters when I had my three I give up thinking I would never get pregnant again I left it to up to god and I another after my daughter older daughter now eight years later I have been blessed with another daughter I had three daughters my first died the pain of having a miscarriage is heart braking but always remember the date of when you had your miscarriage and make your never forget it but you have faith in god he knows what is best for you and was… Read more »
Izzy
Guest
Hi I have experienced a miscarriage…my miscarriage wasn’t any normal miscarriage and it was the first time I got pregnant and I won’t be able to become a parent ever again….. It damaged my body organs, my antibodies were rejecting every living part of me .. I had a acute confusion even after I misscarried( the time I was pregnant I was mistakenly put it some wrong care .. Sectioned ( it was the worst feeling ever) and then a month later I was in medical care due to high fever and every test they carried out came out as… Read more »
Izzy
Guest
Hi I have experienced a miscarriage…my miscarriage wasn’t any normal miscarriage and it was the first time I got pregnant and I won’t be able to become a parent ever again….. It damaged my body organs, my antibodies were rejecting every hug living part of me .. I had a acute confusion even after I misscarried( the time I was pregnant I was mistakenly put it some wrong care .. Sectioned ( it was the worst feeling ever) and then a month later I was in medical care due to high fever and every test they carried out came out… Read more »
Sanah
Guest
This page comes as a huge relief but need more comments on my side to soothe my heart. This 23rd inshalllah we will complete 3years of happy married life, alhamdulillah. But what remains is feelings in anyicipation of a baby. Right from start i had been on treatments for uti infection plus for conceiving. I conceived a year later, became pregnant but it was not showing heart beats even at 2 and half months. I underwent miscarriage and was on treatments one after another till yet. Now they say i have polycystic ovary syndrome, despite that im not obese at… Read more »
Uzma Mukhtar
Guest
I had a miscarriage in January of this year, I was a week late for my period (normally regular like clockwork), so I did a test and then it said 2-3 weeks gone. So I stopped my fasting (making up several years worth for when I had my two kids.) I didn’t tell anyone apart from my husband who was happy, though a bit shocked, as he wanted another one. A couple of weeks later I started bleeding; this is after I’d informed my GP and midwife. So I was referred for a scan and had to get a friend… Read more »
Sidra Mahmood
Guest
I’m not even close to being a being a mother but this raw-narrative was so gut-wrenching yet inspiring. I can finally understand why jannah lies under the feet of mothers because they develop this bond with their children even before they are born. May Allah swt reward you immensely for your patience! Ameen. For all the children lost in this world, there are glad tidings for the parents because they go straight to the daycare of jannah which according to some narrations is run by Adam (as) or Ibrahim (as). On the day of judgment those kids would be collected… Read more »
Hillary D'Amato
Guest
I have had 2 miscarriages and I think the most important thing you can do is be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. I remember saying to my doctor after the second one, that I felt so exhausted a week or two after it. She kindly reminded me that both my body and soul had been through somehing very difficult and that I had to be gentle with myself. I, like you, am very relieved I had told a few friends about both pregnancies because those same friends were my supports through my grief. Thank you for sharing your… Read more »
Jay
Guest
This article bought me to tears as it reminded me of my miscarriage 11 months ago. The pain remains but like someone mentioned it takes time and the pain grows less and less each day, week, month. I don’t think a mother can ever get over losing their child but you learn to move on in life and appreciate the things you do have. I was 7 weeks when I miscarried but I already loved our child, it was so exciting to find out the good news, it was my first pregnancy. I started out with light bleeding and at… Read more »
Halima
Guest

Hi
Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and that we appreciate your sharing what must be an emotionally and physically tough time. Feel humbled and so inspired by the strength and generosity of your heart: even now you are benefitting others.
Thinking about you and praying that the Almighty helps you and your family to heal.
Xxx

saadia
Guest
Dear ladan….. read about ur loss….felt so sorry and grieved over it….i have gone through it for four tymes…lost my last baby at 16 weeks….a month ago..cant tell u how painful it was when doc told me that there is no heartbeat…i was all over a shock…a month ago my baby was fine playin and hoppin around ….but today he wasnt movin….and when i delivered him through all that labor pains…he was in my arms before goin at his final place….i was cryin with all the grief…kissin and adorin my my baby for first and last tyme….but now i kno… Read more »
Sara Weil
Guest

It’s been three years and not a day passes that i don’t think about the babies i lost. I understand your pain and wish i could say it gets easier but it doesn’t, that pain will never go away, you just learn to live with it. Your next pregnancy will be terrifying until you hold that baby in your arms. The next birth will be bittersweet and you will feel guilt for not being as happy and excited but rather feeling numb.

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