We’re back with ten more common posts you’ve probably seen if you belong to at least one mommy Facebook group. Adding to our previous list, we just couldn’t leave out these honorable mentions:
The not-even-a-little-bit-related post: The group is for Military Moms and yet Susan is posting a question about bridesmaid dresses for her cousin’s roommate’s aunt. Or the group is for special needs children but Debra is asking where to find cute boots. Is it just me, or should the questions having absolutely no relation to motherhood (or whatever the group is specifically named for) be saved for a different platform? If it starts with “Sorry, not mom related but…” that’s our cue to scroll on by.
The “pic for attention” post: If the group has thousands of active members, chances are your post asking about cheap photographers will get lost among the others. That’s why many moms attach a picture with their text—to grab your attention as you scroll so you’ll stop to answer. What’s unnecessary, however, is their added phrase “Question…question…question…Pic for attention ;)” We all know what the random picture of your kid’s loose tooth on your question about local chiropractors is for, Susan.
The “delete if not allowed” post: The admins have to approve your question before it posts to the group wall usually. So…they’re going to delete it if it doesn’t follow within group rules/topic anyways; you don’t have to tell them to do their job. When your question posts to the wall with the “Admins, delete if not allowed” starter, we readers groan a little on the inside.
The scary baseless article meant to stir you up: “DON’T LET YOUR BABY SIT ON THE CARPET THEY’LL DIE, click to read why.”
The marital counseling post: 99% of us aren’t actually qualified to give healthy and helpful advice. We’re strangers who don’t know you, him, or anything about the situation beyond your hastily written post. So if you’re going to ask a marital question, do it with the understanding that:
about 55% of replies will just instantly take your side, working you up into a bigger rage/mess,
about 30% will have missed your question completely, going off on their assumptions and misunderstandings, which will most likely make you seem like a terrible person in some way,
and about 13% will play devil’s advocate, pointing out all your wrongdoings, defending your spouse blindly, and saying things like, “to be fair…”
You might get lucky with a 1% response rate of actual helpful advice snippets.
The hospital bag-packing question: Why is this still getting asked over and over? Facebook groups have an option where you can search within them to find old posts. #themoreyouknow
(I won’t leave you hanging: stay at home mom, exclusively breast fed, Dear Husband, first time mom, baby led weaning, trying to conceive, cry it out, birth control, mother in law, edited to add, in my opinion, in vitro fertilization, Little One, original poster, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, vaginal birth after cesarean.
The contractions question: I’m going to save us all some time and say: they’re usually Braxton Hicks.
The birth announcement: “I’m so in love.” Actually, these are pretty adorable. Keep them comin’!
The “sorry if this is a dumb question” starter: I’ve actually used this many times and there’s no shame in it. Better to ask the question you think is dumb and learn from it than to not and someone suffers. And if it makes you feel better, there’s a 99.9% chance you aren’t the first to ask that same question in the history of forever.