“Your Poor Husband!”

Follow the Bus
Jami is a stay at home mom of 4 girls. She recently moved halfway across the country and is trying to put down strong roots in the Midwest. Currently, her life revolves around her kids, but she is planning to start nursing school within the next year. You can also find her at Following the Bus.


“Your poor husband.”

Can I just go on record and say I am SO TIRED of hearing this?! Family, friends and strangers alike have hurled this phrase at me. It never fails that when I am on an outing with my 4 little girls, at least 2 or 3 people feel the need to say this to me. Why? What makes my husband someone to be pitied? What makes anyone think this is OK to say, especially in front of my girls? What type of message does this send to a child, to insinuate that they are some sort of a disappointment to their father simply because they are lacking a penis?

After the twins were born, I tried to let it roll off of me. I get it, society thinks every mom wants a daughter and every dad wants a son. Perhaps some, or even most, do. Maybe the vast majority’s idea of a “perfect family” is one with a son (no doubt the first born), a daughter, and a well behaved Golden Retriever. Fine. I figured the comments would stop eventually. When I got pregnant with #4, everyone assumed I (and more specifically, my husband) was hoping for a boy. I expected that. What I didn’t anticipate is that complete strangers would be so distraught when I announced that it was another girl. What difference does it make to them? Why is it so undesirable to have a crew of girls, or boys for that matter?

I have officially hit my breaking point and I am no longer polite to these people, well-meaning as they may be. Now when I get this comment, I give them a piece of my mind. First and foremost, I use a phrase I learned when people asked if my twins were “natural” or not. “Why do you ask/say that?” Luckily, this gets the point across to most people. However, there are still a few that press on and insist that living in a house full of girls is something to be upset about. To these people, I say that there is nothing upsetting about having 4 little girls that absolutely worship their daddy. 4 little girls that run to the door, arms wide open, the second he walks in. 4 little girls that crawl into his lap with a book. 4 little girls that love to snuggle in (as they call it) “daddy’s big girl bed”. My husband tells anyone that asks that he wouldn’t have it any other way. He knows how very lucky he is, and how special the bond between a father and daughter is.

Certainly, he has fears about raising 4 daughters, but I can assure you none of them have anything to do with hormones or boyfriends or makeup or (gasp!) paying for 4 weddings. His fears for his daughters are about how much society still views women as a lesser sex… that some people cannot accept that a woman can be just as smart, accomplished or athletic as a man, or cannot accept that a woman can, in fact, be all 3 of these things at the same time… that a relationship between a father and daughter cannot be just as fulfilling as that between a father and son.

D and I are working our hardest to raise strong, smart, independent girls that know, without a doubt, that they can conquer the world. We do not determine their value based on the sex organs they have, and neither should anyone else. When we look into each of our girls’ eyes, we do not feel sadness or disappointment, but rather pride and unconditional love. So, random stranger in the grocery store, please keep the “poor husband” comments to yourself, especially when little ears are listening. Oh, and you can take that “perfect family” image and shove it, because we have our perfect family right here.

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Originally Posted on Follow the Bus.

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31 Comments on "“Your Poor Husband!”"

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You need to update your little bio to include your newest bundle. <3

Thanks for writing this! I have 1 girl, 4 boys – our daughter is the second oldest – and it’s SOLELY due to people’s unthinking comments TO HER that she has jags where she feels very sorry for herself in her sisterless state. 90% of the time she gets along great with her brothers, but now every time they fight she “hates having only brothers.” o.O (Right, because sisters NEVER fight.) I couldn’t believe how many people expressed sympathy after baby #5 was another boy – we were elated! – and our daughter was thrilled with him too, until people… Read more »
Tricia H.
I am a mom of two boys and get the “are you going to try for a girl?” question all the time. Actually, when I was pregnant with #2 I was terrified I might be having a girl because I already knew what to expect with boys (and I dont mean that in any way to say boys are better, just that I wanted to stick with what I know). I love my boys with my whole heart and dont feel like I am missing out. No more babies in my future due to a medical condition, but I am… Read more »

THANK YOU! I am pregnant with our 3rd and we just found out on Tuesday that it’s a girl (we have 2 girls already). We only announced 2 days ago and I am already tired of hearing “Poor Jim”, “OMG 3 weddings to pay for!”, “Oh just wait until they are all teenagers!” I think I may share this in hopes that it will stop. Thank you!

I have 3 little girls and 1 son. My son is 10 and my girls are 5, 3, and 1, so most of the time I’m out and about with just the girls. I am anything but a homebody and I’m out daily. I am also very talkative to everyone in public. So I find it a little hard to believe that this happens multiple times a day. I have never had anyone say anything to me about their father. Yes little chuckles with “you really have your hands full’ or “look at all those girls” or ” they all… Read more »
Carla Dahlquist
This is hilarious…my parents had 3 girls…then a boy and 2more girls followed. I was second to the youngest. I heard so many comments from the morons of the world…like: awww man do I feel sorry for your brother or so you were an accident then …right!?! My brother did fine in our family…ni dont think he ever got hurt or bothered by having all sisters….and as for the accident statement…ibviously they are MORONS! My baby sister and I were not accidents…we were Blessings!!! All children are Blessings to Love and Nurture, to Teach Strength and Wisdom, and to Bask… Read more »

Beautifully said. You have a beautiful family and honestly I think your husband is a lucky guy!


Thanks for all of the supportive words, ladies!

I honestly think we just can’t please anyone. Once you have one baby, people want to know when you will have another (as if it is a requirement). If your second is the same as your first, people assume you are disappointed and will have to try again to get the opposite sex. But be careful not to have too many children, because they will make comments about that too! Why can’t we just tell people they have a beautiful family and leave them alone?

Rebecca vaughn

While I agree with this article as the mother of a 17 year old daughter and 3 boys I say or your poor husband not because I am worried about his wanting the same sex child as himself but because I know when those girls are teenagers the poor man is going to drive himself insane worrying about every teenage boys for a thousand miles and every other thing that could happen to their little princesses and yes they do worry about their boys but there is a special bond between a man and his baby girls.

Lisa L.

I have two girls, and like others, I am asked when we will be trying for a son. I answer, “Never!” We have our perfect family and we only want two children, and that is what we have. Two healthy, smart, funny, active, caring kids. Makes no difference to me or my husband whether they are boys or girls. They are our family and I will not be trying for any others to replace an “inferior” (in these stranger’s minds) child. That is ridiculous and offensive.


Great article. I’m one of three girls & have heard this many times. On the flip side now, I have a daughter & a son and people tell I’m lucky because I have the “perfect” set and that I can be done now. Well, guess what?! I don’t think it’s perfect & I don’t want to be done! I feel like something is missing & one of each can be a little boring. People should just mind their own business.


I am the oldest of five, and there are four girls if I had a dime for every time someone just assumes that my mother was “trying” to have a boy each time she was pregnant, I would probably be a millionaire.


Thank you! I am pregnant with our 4th boy and we have 1 daughter. I am always hearing how sorry people are for me for having so many boys and that I at least have 1 girl. I always wanna tell these people to kiss off. I am so happy with the way I have things I would never trade it. But please shut up! Growing up I didn’t even want a girl! Now I am so happy to have my girl AND my boys!

Mike M

You obviously have a problem since this saying is meant as a joke, you have no sense of humor or are just plain crazy. IT IS A JOKE and you need to lighten up, or you just know what you’re doing to get attention, either way just stop. If anyone is creating a problem with your kids hearing it is your reaction, by complaining you are giving your kids reason to think about it so just stop.

I am one of 5. My mom had 4 girls and a boy. I remember being little and the grocery store with my mom and people coming up to her and saying your poor husband. My mom would look at them and gently reply there’s nothing poor about my husband he has for wonderful little girls who think the world of him. They groom him and listen intently to his stories. I assure you he is the most loved and admired man on the planet his girls think the world revolves around their daddy. Now that we have a little… Read more »