Steps to Getting My Kids Out the Door—AKA Why I Never Leave the House

Why is leaving the house with kids so difficult?

Step 1: Announce that it’s time to go. Tune out ensuing tantrums of not wanting to leave or pleading to watch just one more show first. Repeat, “It’s time to go” about a billion times.

out the door leave steps

Step 2: Locate the shoes. For some reason, the kids can never seem to figure out this step on their own. Where’s the match? WHERE’S THE MATCH??
Find the shoes and let my toddler try to put them on by herself because she insists, and this just isn’t worth the fight. Eventually decide the shoes don’t even need to be on, just in the car with her.

Step 3: Ask if anyone needs to use the bathroom before we leave. Everyone says no, but I know this game, so I ask again. There’s no way I’m getting to the store and then someone has an accident. Ask for a third time. Force the toddler to go, anyways.

Step 4: Grab the overly stuffed diaper bag and throw into the car while yelling to the kids to get in.
Realize I forgot to refill the diapers in the bag, so run back inside.
Realize I forgot the sippy cups for each kid, so run back inside.
Realize I forgot to feed the kids their morning snack and the complaining is getting unbearable, so run back inside.
Realize I left my phone…somewhere, so run back inside.
Realize I left the baby in the house, so run back inside, feeling like a bad mom.

Decide that 95% of the leaving-the-house process is just me running back in to grab something else I forgot.

Step 5: Open garage door and notice for the first time that it’s raining. Run back inside (*sigh*) to locate all the jackets.
Grab the ones I see first, even though they are a couple sizes too small. Oh well, they will make do.

Step 6: Everyone is buckled in finally and I’m about to leave.
Resist rolling my eyes as one, or more, of my kids announce that they need to pee. Yell, “WHY DIDN’T YOU GO WHEN I ASKED EARLIER??”


Step 99: Realize that whatever I was leaving for just isn’t worth it and stay home.