The 10 Commandments of the Civilized Internet

10 commandments

Didn’t your mama learn you any manners? I am shocked and angered by most of what I see on the worldwide web.  There is so much judgment, irritation, and vitriol that I’ve started avoiding my personal Facebook account. If you share something from “I’m Always Left Right Wing Righties” or “Left Hating Right Wing Lefties” you can guarantee the information has been spun so tight around a political agenda it’s going to launch a tornado into the lovely town of real journalism.

Perhaps we could all take a minute to decide if what we’re posting is adding anything to the conversation. Maybe double check your information, or at least consider that anyone with fingers can start a blog or a “news” site. (I’m living proof that no one is monitoring this shit).

Before you post that comment, maybe you should consider using a period or two and doing one proofread. I don’t expect perfect grammar, but take some pride in yourself, for Christ’s sake. It’s very hard for me (or anyone else) to take you seriously if I can’t glean a salient point from what you’ve said.

I’m certainly not perfect in the grammar department, but it pains me to see the degree to which the English language is butchered by people who have never spoken anything else. Futhermore, I’m so tired of all the meanies, Judge Judys, and sanctimonious twits. Is it so hard to be nice? At least, like, once a week?

To counter the problems, I (a very qualified Interwebs person) have diagnosed on the invisible information highway, I decree the following 10 commandments for civilized Internet users. These rules are for those who try their best in life to generally NOT be an asshole.


10 Commandments of the Internet For Non-Assholes:


  1. Thou shalt not share or post articles about the Kardashians, the Duggars, Honey Boo Boo or other television whores thereof.


  1. Thou shalt use punctuation in thy sentences and make an attempt to use correct grammar.


  1. Thou shalt not believe everything thou reads on the internet.


  1. Thou shalt consider that photographs, videos, and nasty comments can and do hurt others.


  1. Thou shalt realize that posting mean things anonymously is a chicken shit way to do business.


  1. Thou shalt not humiliate thy children on the internet as punishment and then praise thyself forthwith.


  1. Thou shalt not judge others without first looking in thine own mirror.


  1. Thou shalt not bully or harass other human beings on the internet.


  1. Thou shalt consider kindness and decency over politics, religion, and the need to be right.


  1. Thou shalt consider that everything flowing from thine own mouth is not always correct or interesting.


I want to see the internet world get back to a little humanity, punctuation, reservation of judgment, some f-ing manners, and news that is from an actual news building where news people work.

Join me, people. Join me in saying NO to humongous assholes, celebrity gossip, new-ish news, and the systematic desecration of the English language. Let’s stand together and take back the internet for the things we love and can agree on: penis humor, cat videos, printing recipes we will never use, cute pictures of babies, wine memes, and buying crap we don’t need from Amazon. Oh, that’s only me?

Nice people of the world, unite and stand firm.

P.S. If you detect any grammatical errors in this post, let’s just call it irony.