My five month old son just started saying “dada.” It is the most adorable, heart-warming sound I have ever heard. My heart is telling me to enjoy this moment.
But my brain knows better. You see, I have a 2 year old daughter. And with her, being my first child, every milestone was met with a “You can do it! Oh, she’s reached her milestone early! :)”
But now I know. I know the truth. Milestones shouldn’t be rushed. They should be delayed. They should not be met with joy. They should be met with despair and worry about what the future holds. The sound “dada” eventually leads to “Daddy” and then “Mommy” (which, for some reason, gets used way more than the first word that was learned. Conspiracy? Definitely) And these words leads to sentences. And these sentences lead to demands. Lots of them. And statements.
“I’m hungry!” “I’m thirsty!” “I pooped!” “I need whatever it is I know you can’t give me right this very second!”
All the parents of more than one, or a child that is older than age 2 know exactly what I’m talking about. Here is what each milestone brings.
Rookie Parent- “Come on honey, roll over! You can do it!”
Experienced Parent- “First this, then crawling. Then I’ll have another one I need to follow.”
Rookie Parent- “Our baby is mobile! We’re so excited!”
Experienced Parent- “Crap. Now I actually have to vacuum the floor and watch him to make sure he doesn’t stick a bug in his mouth.”
Rookie Parent- “She just said her first word! It was so exciting!”
Experienced Parent – “No more words. Dada was enough. I do not need another child screaming “Mom! Mom! MOMMY!!!” every 3.6 seconds.”
Pulling Up To Stand
Rookie Parent – “He’s so smart, he can even pull himself up!”
Experienced Parent – “I can never put him on the floor again. Standing means walking, walking means running and running leads to chasing. He must be strapped down for eternity.”
Rookie Parent – “OUR BABY IS WALKING!”
Experienced Parent – “That’s it. Game Over. It’s all downhill from here.”
Rookie Parent – “Oh yes, she’s completely potty trained.”
Experienced Parent – “Have you seen public toilets? This kid is staying in diapers until she can reach the Target toilet seat herself.”
Are there any milestones you are not in a hurry to see your baby reach?
Disclaimer: Please note that this is a facetious post. Said in complete jest. So keep that in mind before posting any crazy comments.