Last week I finally hit the 20-week mark, which meant that my husband and I could find out the sex of this baby. I’d made no secret of my desire to have a daughter after birthing two charming but very boy-ish boys–but as the date of my ultrasound approached (which was coincidentally my birthday), I started to worry that maybe publicly admitting that I was hoping for a daughter meant that I had already jinxed myself into having a third son.
I love my boys tremendously and wouldn’t trade them in for double-X models to be sure–but don’t most moms want a daughter at some point? My own mom passed away about three years ago from breast cancer (less than two months after the birth of my second son–but almost 23 years after her initial diagnosis), and she and I made the most of our relationship. We talked daily by phone from the day I left for college until the day she died, and I saw her regularly in person, too–having chosen to live less than a mile away. And since her death, I’ve really longed for a daughter of my own. I know that the relationship wouldn’t be the same as what she and I had, but a similar kind of connection sounded awfully appealing.
Anyhoo, when I woke up around 4 am the morning of the ultrasound, I was extra nervous–thinking that my focus on the baby’s sex instead of the more important stuff–like its health, which I had taken for granted up until that time–might mean that I was in for a horrible lesson about what really matters in life. (Don’t ask–the middle of the night brings all kinds of horrible thoughts into my head!) My boys’ 5:30 am rendition of “Happy Birthday” took my mind off of things for the next few hours, but when my husband and I arrived at the imaging center, I felt like the whole room might be able to hear the pounding of my heart.
Our sonographer turned out to be the same one we’d had for our nuchal translucency–but luckily she seemed much warmer than she had during our last ultrasound, where her silence made me worry about all kinds of horrible news on its way (everything was fine). After confirming that we wanted to know the sex of our baby, she squirted some warm gel onto my belly and got down to business. Of course, the baby’s legs were crossed when she started, so she proceeded to look at all of the important stuff first, like the chambers of its heart, the brain, and other biggies. I grasped my husband’s hand tightly when she said that she thought she knew what we were having but wanted one last look for confirmation. Shortly thereafter, she looked over at us and said, “It’s a healthy baby… girl.”
I started sobbing, and my husband just asked, “Are you sure?” At which point, she pointed out the labia and ovaries, which seemed to satisfy him. I looked upward and said a silent ‘Thank you‘ to my mom, as I had the odd feeling that she was there and had had something to do with the news. All along, I’d told my husband and no matter what the news was, this baby was simply the one we were meant to have. I got pregnant months before we planned to start ‘trying,’ which was a surprise to someone who had planned her last two pregnancies so exactly. And this time I’m due at the one time of year I never wanted to have a baby–just days after Christmas and New Year’s. It may sound odd or just plain ‘out there,’ but I’ve just had this feeling that someone else/something else had a hand in this child’s creation (despite my understanding that, um, it was just my husband and me in the room during conception).
I floated through the rest of the day and remain elated several days later. I’m still in a bit of disbelief that I finally get to have a daughter–as is my husband, given that 12 boys and ZERO girls have been born into his family over the past three generations. But I’m also jumping into the planning for this baby girl, going through all of our sons’ baby clothes and donating everything that screams BOY!–which sadly (or maybe happily?) leaves me with a total of about four onesies and a single infant gown. Let the shopping begin!
Did you find out what you were having before your baby was born? Did you have a hunch in advance? Was it correct? Leave a comment below!