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Your Creepy Elf on the Shelf Can Have Creepy Babies

The Elf on the Shelf can have babies??

First of all, why are people still doing this weird tradition? You’re teaching your kid that it’s okay to spy and tattle, or to have a stranger watch you all day, as long as it leads to presents. Not to mention it’s more work than it’s worth when your kid ends up not caring, is terrified of the doll itself, or you burn out by December 10th. And what if your kid is super into this little demon doll? Now, you’re stuck for years having to come up with better and better scenarios to put the elf in every night. That’s (at least) 24 days a year, for (at least) 5-6 years before your kid eventually figures out it’s creepy or that it’s just Mom moving it around. That’s 144 days, people.  Are you really committed to coming up with 144 different creative scenarios for this little spy?

Well, as if the Elf on the Shelf wasn’t creepy enough, now it’s gotten worse. Now, you can turn your elf into a single mother. Or, if you buy two, make them mate and have a whole litter of baby elves. (I know you need ideas for poses but please don’t let your kids find them in sex positions.)


Yup. The Elf on the Shelf can now have babies.


Selling from places like Amazon and Etsy, you can buy little infants for your Elf to take care of. But let’s face it, we all know that lazy POS won’t be doing squat for those babies and it’ll just be you doing all the work because you’re the one with the functioning nipples who doesn’t have to leave the house for work in the morning and can “nap” whenever you want…. I mean, you’re the one moving the elf around each night.

But if the idea of keeping track of now multiple storylines/poses/names is appealing to you, there’s at least one upside to this odd turn of events: you have more dolls to work with so let your creative juices flow!

Just don’t come crying to me when the consequences of your actions lead to some unpleasant paths. Like the inevitable “How Babies are Made” talk you’ll have to give sooner than you expected or when the kids realize those baby elves never grow up and start asking questions. You got yourself into this multi-year commitment; be ready to buy teenager elves.

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Vivian @RISVK

Thursday 28th of November 2019

Awww that really looks awesome


Monday 25th of November 2019

I always thought this was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard of! I've also wondered why people are still doing it. This just makes it even weirder and even creepier.

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