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11 Crazy Ways To (NOT) Get Rid of A Pacifier

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When my son was born I was all about breastfeeding him. On my birth plan, it specifically stated NO sugar water, and NO pacifiers. I didn’t want my son to end up with nipple confusion. I was going to make sure that I waited the two weeks for his latch to be fully established. Well, about 4 days of him crying made me reconsider. Call me weak if you will.

That tiny little baby will be two in April, and it is a rare occasion to see a picture of him without his paci. Every single person he doesn’t see on a daily basis rips it out of his mouth as soon as they see him. Let me just get this out there: yes, I understand the whole dental impact. Does he keep it in his mouth all day long? No. He uses it when he naps, goes to sleep, and when we are somewhere he is unsure of. It is his “security blanket.” Am I working on getting rid of it? Yes, but PLEASE let me do so at OUR own pace.

baby asking for pacifier

Since he is having a hard time giving it up, I thought it would be a lot of fun to write about ways to get rid of a pacifier. These are meant to be sarcastic, so please don’t take this as real advice…but if you try it, and it happens to work… you’re welcome. : )

baby with green pacifier
  1. Tell them that your dog/cat/bird/lizard/whatever ate them. Okay, seriously…my mom told us this when we were kids. Obviously I was too young to remember but, she said we each got to be mad at the dog and it was done and over with. (Poor pup!) Don’t have an animal to blame it on? Blame Dad.
  2. Have them put it under their pillow at night, and when they wake up they will find the pacifier fairy left them a new toy. Make sure you have a back-up binky for you (read: glass of wine) for when they realize what just happened.
  3. Dig a hole in the backyard and “plant” them, and when they wake up new sippy cups have arrived! Just make sure you thoroughly sanitize them if you really left them out there overnight. Who knows what animals tried to drink from them…
  4. “Forget” them one day while you are out running errands. Also “forget” your sanity.
  5. Tell them you gave them to a baby who needed it. Why!? Because they are a big kid now! And big kids are super good at sharing, especially when they are around 2 years old, and when they will never get whatever they are sharing back.
  6. Tie them to the end of a balloon and let them let it go. I’m pretty sure I saw that on Super Nanny. If you don’t watch Super Nanny you should. It’s quite hysterical.
  7. If they drop it or take it out of their mouth, let it hit the floor. When that happens, say “Ew, yucky! This is now garbage! We have to throw it away!” Let them throw it out. Or you throw it out while they cry. Be strong. The worst is yet to come.
  8. Seal them up in a box and take them to the post office to send to new babies. Maybe call your post office ahead of time so they don’t think you’re crazy…or if you don’t live in a small town like me where the post office is only busy around the holidays, set the box outside your house to be “picked up” and during nap time ditch it. Maybe it would be fun to tell them that in return, the babies will send them a toy back in the mail! Whatever happens, just make sure that box is gone. Because if you are caught lying, you’re going in a time out, Mom.
  9. Give them something else to chew on. Something like those silicone teething toys. Or your finger. Go ahead, tempt fate.
  10. Just take it and quit cold turkey. Done. Fin. Ignore the screaming baby and make sure you have no plans of going anywhere for a while. Is there a Pacifier’s Anonymous group around you? Start one.
  11. If they have a younger sibling who uses a pacifier, make sure theirs are all hidden. Also make sure the little one has a good grip on theirs because it will be stolen.
twins with pacifiers

However you do it, be prepared for a battle. My son won’t give up his pacifier without a fight.

Did you have to get rid of a pacifier? How old was your little one and how did you do it? Tell me your story below!

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