Pregnancy has a bunch of crappy side effects women have to deal with: weight gain, tender boobs, constant nausea, swollen hands/feet/everything (just to name a few). But no matter how many of the crappy symptoms you get during your pregnancy, or how long they last, every single expecting mother gets something great out of the deal, too. Yes, usually you’ll get a baby, and that’s great, but I’m talking about something else just as awesome: the pregnancy excuse.
“I’m pregnant” is probably the best excuse you’ll ever get to use. It’s the easiest way to get out of anything unpleasant or things you just don’t feel like doing. Most of the time, what you can or can’t do because of your pregnancy are legitimate excuses anyways, but other times, it’s just really nice to have something that no one can contest.
Here are some ways I’ve taken advantage of my pregnant state:
- I can’t help move those boxes or that furniture—I’m pregnant.
- That’s not fat pushing out my shirt—it’s my pregnant belly. Yes, I’m only 5 weeks along, but that’s totally just pregnancy bloating.
- I only get out of breath going up four stairs because I’m pregnant.
- I need to take a second nap. I’m pregnant. I’m creating a foot today—it’s tiring work!
- I can’t cook dinner for you tonight, husband. I’m pregnant and the smells make me sick.
- It’s not my fault I’m moody! I’m pregnant and have raging hormones. Now tell me I’m pretty.
- I’m pregnant so I get to eat whatever the baby will let me eat. Cheeseburgers are the only thing I won’t throw up so I’m eating my third one today and you can’t say squat.
- I have to get a pedicure. I’m pregnant and want my swollen feet to look at least a little pretty!
- For once, I don’t need to feel guilty about not signing up to donate blood! I actually can’t do it because I’m pregnant.
- Cleaning chemicals are dangerous for the baby if I inhale them, so you’ll need to take care of the bathrooms.
- You’ll also need to vacuum. Carrying around this pregnant belly is enough added weight as it is.
- I didn’t fart. The baby did.
- I have to go on a shopping spree. I’m pregnant and need new clothes that fit me!
And sometimes, the “I’m pregnant” excuse works even after you’ve given birth!
- I have to go on a shopping spree. I was pregnant and my body changed so much so I need new clothes!
- I was pregnant for nine freaking months. It’s your turn to hold the baby so I can go take a 20-minute shower!
- My body is soft in places and saggy in others because I was pregnant. Not because I eat junk and don’t work out.
- Sorry, husband. Pregnancy changed my taste preferences so I don’t think we should have your “famous” taco soup anymore.
- I only just finished being pregnant. My body hasn’t healed enough for sex yet.
How have you used the “pregnancy excuse” before?