45 Jokes for Kids

“Why did the chicken cross the road. Because the barn was on the other side.”
“Joke, joke.  Why is the joker on the plane? Because it was his duty!”

Are you laughing yet? Because these are two of my five-year-old’s jokes—aren’t they great? In honor of International Joke Day (July 1) and because my kid really needs some new material, here are some funny, punny—and yeah, kind of corny—jokes for kids.

45-Jokes-for-Kids-e1498435254258 45 Jokes for Kids

  1. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  2. What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-JAM-as.
  3. How does a bird with a broken wing land safely? With a sparrowchute.
  4. Why can’t Dalmatians hide from their owners? They’re always spotted.
  5. What kind of animal eats with its tail? All kinds—they can’t take them off.
  6. Where do spies buy groceries? At the snooper-market.
  7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go MOO.
  8. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
  9. What do cows read with breakfast? A moo-spaper.
  10. Why can’t skeletons play music? Because they have no organs.
  11. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!
  12. How do trains hear? With engine-ears.
  13. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
  14. What’s a librarian’s favorite type of fishing bait? Bookworms.
  15. Knock knock. Who’s there? Who. Who who? Is there an owl in here?
  16. How does a dog stop a movie? He hits the paws button.
  17. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
  18. Where’s a wall’s favorite place to meet his friends? At the corner.
  19. What time should you go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.
  20. How do oceans say hello? They wave.
  21. Why did the opera singer go sailing? Because she wanted to hit the high Cs.
  22. Which school supply is king of the classroom? The ruler.
  23. What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saurus.
  24. What do cows use in their text messages? E-moo-jis.
  25. How do you serve a smart hamburger? On an honor roll.
  26. Which was the scariest dinosaur? A terror-dactyl.
  27. How many lions can you put in cage? One. After that, the cage isn’t empty.
  28. What is a bird after she is four days old? Five days old.
  29. How did the rabbit feel after he broke his leg? Unhoppy.
  30. Why was the cafeteria clock always behind? Because it went back for seconds.
  31. How do you organize a space party? You planet early.
  32. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interr… MOO!
  33. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese.
  34. Where do polar bears keep their money? In snow banks.
  35. A man was looking out his window when he noticed that there was a snail on one of his plants. He picked the snail off the plant and threw it as far as he could. Ten years later, the old man heard a tap on his window, and when he looked up he saw an angry snail who looked at him and asked, “Hey, what did you do that for?!”
  36. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
  37. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!
  38. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and worries? A nervous wreck.
  39. What kind of flower is on your face? Tulips.
  40. Why couldn’t the boy go to the pirate movie? Because it was rated “Arrr!”
  41. What did the momma tomato say to the baby tomato? Ketchup!
  42. Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind—it’s too cheesy.
  43. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  44. When do you stop at green and go at red? When you’re eating a watermelon.
  45. What kind of nut has no shell? A doughnut!

And there you have it, folks! Forty-five jokes for kids that are guaranteed to result in laughs. Or at least weird looks.

Me: What do you call a dog that does magic?
Kid: An ambulance!

PS: Looking for some grown-up laughs? We’ve got those, too.

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Christina lives in Northern Virginia with her husband, daughter, and two English Springer Spaniels. Before becoming a reluctant stay-at-home mom, she worked in a variety of customer-service-oriented jobs while dreaming of living in the lap of luxury as a housewife. Unfortunately, having a child threw a wrench in Christina's plan to do nothing but eat bonbons while lounging in the Jacuzzi reading all day. Now, she spends her time looking for fun activities and crafts for her daughter and easy-to-prepare meals for her family, while trying not to land the kid in therapy when she grows up. Christina volunteers at several different places, and her particular passion is for her role as a sexuality educator. She loves to read, and to learn about--and share--new products and resources.

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