When scrolling your Instagram feed gets boring, when Pinterest begins to overwhelm instead of inspire, when you can’t YouTube because the sound will distract your nursing baby and you’ve forgotten headphones—turn to the posts in your friendly Facebook mommy groups!
Those mommy groups can be incredibly helpful. A good group will have supportive women who feel safe to ask any and all questions about being a wife, mother, and woman. The best ones will have funny memes, serious discussions, minimal drama and helpful advice. But let’s face it, EVERY mommy group, no matter how great or bad, will have the same type of posts or common phrases we’ve all seen a million times, and here is where your late night entertainment comes from:
The “take to doctor?”/medical advice posts: Your two year old has a 103 degree fever, mysterious rash all over her body, and a barking cough. Stop asking a bunch of unqualified strangers for at home remedies and yes, see a doctor! And thanks for that graphic picture of your kid’s ingrown toenail, by the way. Really needed that image burned into my unsuspecting brain as I was innocently scrolling tonight.
The discipline advice (but NO CIO) posts: This mom will describe her child’s awful, yet usually developmentally normal, behavior and then ask for tips on how to handle the behavior. She will describe what types of discipline they’ve already attempted. And then she will adamantly (and almost judgingly) exclaim that she will “not subject her child to the Cry It Out method so don’t even mention it.” And of course, someone will still mention it, which will lead to a big debate about how abusive, or great, that method is.
The “Sorry this is so long” starter: Can we all just learn to state the question we are asking at the beginning of these posts, before delving into the novel? That way, I know it will be worth it to spend my next 8 minutes reading your wordy background info before finally getting to your point. I need to know if I have relevant experience and wisdom to impart before I choose to invest such time into your drama.
The “I’m not trying to bash my husband BUT…” posts: This is passive aggressiveness at its finest. First, towards said husband’s annoying habit because while she’s trying not to “bash,” she really is fed up. Then, between the commenters, who disagreed with one another on the topic and are turning up their sass. We’ll all get so lost in our own opinions on the poster’s husband that we have totally ignored or forgotten the original question, and that we weren’t supposed to be bashing him in the first place.
The “Sorry, this is probably TMI” starter: Of COURSE I’m going to read this now! If it starts with a “too much information” warning, I know it’s going to be personal, weird, and/or gross, and I’m totally game.
The flu shot question that inevitably turns into a heated vaccine debate: Which then gets the commenting turned off by an admin because we can’t ever agree to disagree.
The legitimate question: Unfortunately, these tend to get lost under all the other kinds because on Facebook, the posts with the most replies and reactions are the ones that rise to the top of your feed. So the scandalous posts, the drama filled ones, the controversial questions—those all drown away the legitimate questions moms will ask. Which prompts…
…The annoyed “trying this AGAIN because last time I got no replies” posts: You can tell how annoyed this mom is from being ignored in her moment of need by her wording of her second post. People respond this time, despite her critical tone, because we feel bad she didn’t get help earlier. But half of the responses are only, “I don’t know but I’ll bump this for ya 😉 “
The sex question: We allllll want to know what your question is and we definitely want to know what people will reply. Though I’m a little ashamed of the rabbit hole these questions send me down, as I HAVE to go to your profile to see what you look like (these people never seem like they’d be so kinky, right? Totally normal looking). And then to your husband’s profile, to see what the other half of the equation looks like. And then to your mother’s profile, to wonder is she knows what a freak in the sheets her daughter is.
The “if you know me, keep scrolling” plea: Sorry to burst your bubble but your friends aren’t actually going to scroll past your juicy post.
The late night poster: “I’m really hoping someone else is awake” is usually included somewhere in this type of post. And even though it’s 3 AM, there will still be at least 15 replies because breastfeeding. And newborns.
The “Job from home recommendation” posts: Almost all replies will be some sort of MLM pitch, with the odd, actually helpful suggestion thrown in. If I had to put a number to it, I’d say 80% of replies are MLMs (“I’ll message you some more details about joining my amazing team!”), 15% are jobs that are great but completely unique to the responder’s situation so not actually helpful because the poster can’t recreate the same circumstances, and 5% suggestions that could actually be pursued.
The “annnnnnd go!” posts: Yes, let me rush and type in a fury my recommendation for the best place to buy yarn before anyone else can beat me to the punch! Eye. Roll.
The pregnancy test post: We’re all just going to say the same thing: if you’re unsure, wait a few days and retest in the morning. Everyone knows the first morning pee is the most potent!
The honest and vulnerable anonymous post that receives all the judgment: These threads are hard to read because the poor original poster just needs some advice and empathy but is met with angry emojis reactions, harsh judgments, and total misunderstandings. And since she posted anonymously, she can’t clear things up or defend herself. This makes everyone else scared to ever be vulnerable and ask their own hard questions because apparently, people will be quick to assume the worst. Don’t be those types of repliers. Don’t spread the mom shame.
What other type of posts/overused phrases do you see in your mommy groups all the time? Share them in a comment below!